So is nine pictures worth nine thousand words?

Holy guacamole Batman, it’s been over a week since I posted. Time flies when your are completely swamped with important real life shit you have to do but don’t really want to. Or when you’re having fun, I suppose it depends on how your week was. I’ve had a lot of new exciting things happen since my last post. I got a new Dell computer, which is awesome, shiny, and only took two days to arrive. Two freaking days! WTF? That’s fast! I’ve waited longer than that to go to the bathroom. Technology is amazing. Well most technology. Microsoft Vista isn’t amazing. More like suck-tastic and shitty. Hate. I seriously want to go find Bill Gates and punch his nads in vengeance. Who the fuck writes an operating system that randomly shuts down all the time to update itself. I’ve got important shit to do, don’t go interrupting my porn time you cock smoking code monkey.

But yeah, so the ‘puter has a bad ass set of speakers and a BFS. (big fucking subwoofer) Also a wide screen monitor. I haven’t yet figured out how to adjust the monitor to not stretch all the images to fit the screen. Like I said, or possibly didn’t say before, Vista is a piece-of-shit pie and I hate it with a passion. It does tell me what temperature it is outside though, and that’s kind of cool.

Also new, I got a Yamaha scooter. So for the first time since September, when the state of NC decided to seize my car, I’ve got my own form of transportation. (minus the old feets, which were getting tired of trooping about everywhere) If you’ve never owned a scooter let me briefly describe the joys of putting around on one. First of all, you get the sensation that you own a motorcycle, but a really dorky uncool one that people laugh at. Generally things like water, sand, and potholes, which are of no concern to a four wheel driver, become life threatening obstacles which must be frantically avoided at the last second. If it’s winter, which it is, you have the added bonus of being able to freeze sperm samples while still in your nuts. There’s a large storage compartment capable of holding such items as, a loaf of bread, a helmet, or your shattered dignity. (one at a time, it’s not a sedan) Also, for those of you who enjoy safety and continued existence, you will rest easy knowing that those crazy bastards driving past you at sixty mph will get speeding tickets one day, while you probably won’t since you average cruising speed is 35-40 mph. (56-64 kph) Unless of course you hit an uphill stretch, when you will be cruising at 25-30 mph. (40-48 kph) And last but not least, parking will be much easier than it was before.

You all remember my sister in law, Sami? You know the really normal, not crazy one?

Well she has spent a long time planning the yearly holiday party for her company. It’s a big hoity toity affair with ties and cumberbunds and curly grey wigs. Not my cup of tea, but she got to spend ten grand worth of someone elses money, so that was probably fun. Anyway, with my parents being upper level types, (mom’s the company artist, dad runs one of the departments) Sami and Nate will be rubbing elbows with the bigwigs and throwing cutlery at the servants and all that good rich people stuff. So in the fine tradition of our esteemed family, Nate has found a way to make the whole thing a little ridiculous. Sami of course made him go buy something nice to wear to the event, seeing as how he didn’t actually own anything nice enough. Here he is trying to look cool in what he has dubbed his “pimp suit”.

Not too shabby. I’ve seen sharper looking guys (mostly in the mirror) but I guess that will do for a corporate event. But wait. To really appreciate the full ensemble you need the close up of his uber classy belt.

Oh how our family just reeks of class. Nothing like a pirate belt buckle to go with your thrift store suit and your facial piercings. I’m so glad we were raised poor. Poor people have so much more fun. I swear, we rock. And speaking of rocking, my little brother picked me up a bowl piece when he was working at the flea market last weekend. Check out this wicked awesome little number. I haven’t named it yet, but I’m thinking it will be something relating to the sweet twist the glass master put in the stem. I’ve never seen one like it before.

I can’t wait till it gets all resined up and the colors get brighter. Oh I love new glass pieces. I came up with a really great name, but then I forgot it, cause I was high. Holy shit! The magic of blogging has allowed me to remember. I shall call thee: Twisted Sister. (I wanna rock!) I would say she’s even prettier than old Baby Blue. You know what else is pretty? (not my sorry ass segues, that’s for sure) SNOW MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!

Maybe not impressive for those of you who live above the arctic circle in Toronto, but for down here, that’s not too shabby. Unfortunately, that was all we got, and it’s pretty much gone now, a whole two days later. By the way, kneeling in the snow mostly naked is still not as cold as riding to work on my scooter when it’s twenty or less. Fuck that. Anyway, I’m done writing for the night. The Nyquil is kicking my ass and I have court in the morning. I’ll leave you all with one last random photo of me and Nate.

Holy shit, I almost forgot. Many thanks to Trena who sent me the Rachael Ray cookbooks. I would link to her blog here, but unfortunately switching homes and getting a new computer has left me without all my old bookmarks, which I’m trying to find again. Anyway, she rocks, and so does Rachael Ray, and so do I. What the hell, you rock too for sticking around this far through a boring shitty post. Oral sex for everyone! Unless you don’t want any. Then I suppose you could have anal or something. You know what, I don’t want to leave anyone out. How about instead of MLK Jr. day, (some dude gave a speech day) I declare this day Josh day, in celebration of me winning, and everyone gets all their holes filled, courtesy of me. You are welcome Earth. Have a good one.