America In Peril: College Students Dangerously Funny


In what can only be described as the most offensive display of racism since everyone realized Kramer wasn’t actually funny, some students from the University of California at San Diego have whipped their collective pee-organs out and defiled the sanctity of black history month. According to a report by news giant MomLogic.com, students threw a, “ghetto-themed party called the Compton Cookout” where, “guys were encouraged to wear chains and high top tennis shoes and girls were encouraged to be ghetto-chicks with gold teeth and wear cheap clothes”. Even more shockingly, reports would indicate that most, if not all of these students were not black people.

The party was unsanctioned by the school, and was held off campus, but may have been attended by members of at least three fraternities. I find it utterly disturbing that members of the respected social class consisting of college fraternity members could behave in such a rude or thoughtless manner, as all of my previous experiences with frat boys have reflected the utmost moral caliber.

The Vice Chancellor is heading up an investigation into the serious misconduct carried out within the law and outside of her jurisdiction with a fervor I can only describe as inspiring. The V.C. was quoted as saying, “Our obvious initial concern was abated when we discovered that the party consisted of white students merely pretending to be poor black people. However, after numerous complaints from the you-know-whos and a bunch of mommies, we’ve officially changed our stance to that of disbelief and repulsion. We fully understand that [Black History Month] is an institution of the utmost importance and respect, and not at all an empty gesture meant to shut people up.”

I for one agree with the Vice Chancellor, it is so nice to get a break from those obnoxious disaster relief and ASCPA commercials for a month, and focus on these historically heroic figures that everyone certainly wasn’t already familiar with by the fifth grade. What an amazing idea, to dedicate a month to occasional television blurbs. I enjoy it almost as much as when I have to go to work on Martin Luther King Jr. day every year.

In fact I am so convinced this is a great idea I think we should step up as a country and take it a step farther. I’ve compiled a few more racist offenders who need to be investigated and tried, or at the least publicly humiliated for their racially charged stereotype crimes.

Lil John, I mean Jon

What a dickhead. This racist mother fucker is brimming so full of stereotypes he’s one pointy white hat away from completing his track suit of hate. He misspells his name, his grammar is horrible, he’s toting more gold accessories than Mr. T’s jeweler, and what the fuck is that in his mouth? Why would he mock black people like this? Frankly, I’m offended.

Are you kidding me? What kind of clansmen crapfest is this? That white guy who looks like Ving Rhames is clearly saying all black people carry guns. And why is there a share cropper at the bottom left? Just because watermelons are delicious and everyone loves eating them doesn’t mean it’s ok to say black people love eating watermelons. Go burn a cross you douchebags. As if Dolemite would appear in a movie making fun of his own peoples stereotypes, get real.

Listen actual black people from Compton, and one white guy with a 40 oz.: just because you are successful, black people who actually are from Compton doesn’t mean you get to wear gold chains, and high tops, or get gold teeth, or wear cheap clothing. That’s racist. Most especially during a month that celebrates outstanding black people who have contributed to black culture and history. Outstanding people like Ice Cube, and Easy E. Or people like Dr. Dre and the many successful black people he’s discovered during his reign as media mogul, such as Snoop Doggy Dog, or Eminem. If you keep that kind of behavior up, not only will you get kicked out of the college you never attend, but you’ll never amount to anything like the world famous entertainers you are today.

America, today is the day we need to come together and stand united. Some people may say that the only reason parties like this are considered offensive, is because the offendees have little to no sense of humor or reality. This is simply not the case. If we can’t force everyone in our country to stop propagating racial stereotypes then you know what? We’re all racist, and I for one want to live in a colorblind society, where everything is black and white. Good night and good luck.

3 responses to “America In Peril: College Students Dangerously Funny

  1. The “white guy who looks like Ving Rhames” is John Amos, who is a very authentic Black man.

  2. John Brown: For some reason every time I post anything even vaguely racial I have to come back afterwards and point out that almost everything I ever say is sarcastic. I don’t know if people go straight into defense mode to distance themselves from what I say, or if people on the internet still have no concept of how hyperbole and sarcasm are used in textual format.

    While it is nice to have someone actually reply to one of these posts without freaking out over what a Grand Wizard bigot I am, I still think it’s fairly obvious that John Amos is black and not just a white guy who looks like Ving Rhames. I also realize that Eminem is technically white, in case anyone wants to correct me on that as well.

  3. jessica fantastica

    Well there is at least one asshole on the internet that gets it. And this asshole thinks it was AMAZING.

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