Tag Archives: sheep vagina

They Live (mostly just me actually)

Yeah wow, so I really am still alive, and I do remember the password to get on my account. Not that I have teeming throngs of people waiting with baited breath for my next post or anything, but I really do enjoy having a bit of a creative outlet here, and honestly my life has just been too damn crazy lately to clear my schedule for blog posting. For instance, I got sentenced to jail. From now till April will be spending my weekends in the Johnston county jail. Hoorah, I can’t fucking wait. Cause nothing says rest and relaxation from work like spending all your time in ball stench filled room with fifty ignorant, racist black men who watch nothing but BET while you slowly starve to death. But hell, I could deal with the black supremacist homeys, the shitty child sized portions, and the extreme boredom, if only they would give me a fuckin pillow. I think that’s the worst part.

I’m kidding of course, the worst part is clearly the homeys. So anyway my sometimes clear weekends when I got most of my blogging done are now all full, so I guess I better stick to short, sweet posts for the time being. I have this really huge involved post I am working on about how our government has failed us in every way, and it involves actually researching stuff and might be several posts long, but I’m too tired to work on that right now, and every time I do I get really riled up and end up not sleeping well cause I’m too pissed about how much our leaders and system suck. So how about an update? Of course you care, who doesn’t love life stories?

First, a story that the judge who sentenced me actually shared with the court while they were finishing up everything. (I heard this all because the entire court was about the size of two bedrooms, and I was the only person in it) This is his year off from visiting with his family for thanksgiving, but every other year they get twenty seven people and all pile into one beach house on the outer banks for the weekend. Well of course all the normal family drama ensues. One year his chauvinist nephew was four wheeling on the beach and got his trucks tires stuck in the sand. Well, his oldest daughter, who’s a bit of a know it all, told him to let some of the air out and just drive his truck out. He insisted that would damage his truck so he called some towers to get him out. After paying them two hundred dollars they let the air out of his tires and drove it out of the ruts. Today’s moral is actually not to listen to women about truck problems, but rather how to get your truck out of the sand for cheap.

So anyway, my own Thanksgiving was not so family oriented. Actually I just spent a few hours with my extended family for a lunch and then left, although I did have one noteworthy moment. One of my youngest cousins (I don’t know how old he would be, I guess about three feet old) walked up to me while I was taking a smoke break and just kind of stopped and stared at me from about one and a half feet from where I was sitting. (my cousins are kind of creepy, imagine children of the corn mixed with the Flanders) After asking him what it was that he wanted, he kindly informed me that his older sister was supposed to be a twin but “the other one” died. I’m not really sure why that was important, but I actually found learning the news from a child much less painful than all the hemming and hawing and bullshit I would have had to endure had one of the “adults” told me. I thanked him and he happily went on his way to eat some pie. Good to know my family is still white trash, happy holidays to you too kid.

Speaking of white trash, how about some pictures from the last month or three!

Me and my buddy put this up on his kids wall over the Thanksgiving holiday. It was the centerpiece of a total UNC tarheel makeover for the room. Frankly, we are awesome.

Me and my buddy put this up on his kids wall over the Thanksgiving holiday. It was the centerpiece of a total UNC tarheel makeover for the room. Frankly, we are awesome.

Sami finally found the scat at Bensons mule days.

Sami finally found the scat at Benson's mule days.

So what happened was, we were drinking, and I had just bought Em a rebel flag bikini at mule days, and we were drinking, and somehow this seemed like a good idea. (ps - drinking)

So what happened was, we were drinking, and I had just bought Em a rebel flag bikini at mule days, and we were drinking, and somehow this seemed like a good idea. (ps - drinking)

Look out for Sami, she will cut you.Look out for Sami, she will cut you.
We have kitties at work now!

We have kitties at work now!

Actually this might need more than just a caption. See we had a family of feral cats living under a freight box at work, and our tree hugger secretary offered to pay us twenty bucks if we caught the kittens. And after her husband told her she wasn’t allowed to bring any more animals home, they somehow because shop kitties. The one walking right up to the camera, presumably to find it’s breathing holes and clog them with hair while it tries to eat, is named Joe. We named him after an idiot who works with us, who always begs for food, because this cat was dumb enough to get caught twice in one day for a free meal. And since Joe is an uber-christian, I named the other one Mr. Crowley, because I thought it would be funny for Joe to live with a famous occultist. In real life, Joe did not find this very amusing, but we assume this is just because one of the side effects of his terminal religion is a complete lack of humor about one’s self.

This is my dad grinding up some venison he brought back from a hunting trip. Notice he saved the hearts to cook separate.

This is my dad grinding up some venison he brought back from a hunting trip. Notice he saved the hearts to cook separate.

So I know Im from the south and I should probably know this for sure, but I believe this is a sheeps vagina.

So I know I'm from the south and I should probably know this for sure, but I believe this is a sheep's vagina.

And on that note I will save the rest of my 2008 State Fair pics and Halloween pics for a later post so I can just throw some crap together without any actual writing skills (skills in this case really just means effort)  involved. Christmas is like, tomorrow and shit, so if I don’t have time to get back here for a while, have fun getting drunk on eggnog and buying shit for Santa to give to Jesus or whatever you believe in. Unless of course you practice kwanzaa, in which case, go to hell you fucking poser.