7 Random/Weird Facts About Yours Truely

Well Stacey over at Memoirs of a Queen Bitch tagged me to do the seven random and/or weird things about myself meme. I really didn’t know what the fuck a meme was. Apparently it’s pronounced mem, not mimi like I thought. And it basically boils down to a chain survey, but slightly less gay. And since I’m plenty gay enough to do regular chain surveys when I’m bored, and this one gave me a little more room to blather on about myself, I figured why the hell not. I guess I should say that I’m not a meme virgin any longer. (although it’s not really such a shock that I was since I’m just a squeaky pink blogging infant, but whatever) Thanks for popping my cherry Shannon, I’ll try not to fall in love with you, but I’ll still remember you forever.

So for those of you like me who are ignorant of common blogging protocols, I’ll spell out the rules for you right now. Dig it.

1) Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

2) Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

3) Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

4) Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Like I said, I’m pretty new to bloggin’ and all this shit, so I haven’t really built my blogroll reading list up much. In fact, most of the people who’s blogs I read are all friends in Toronto and New Zealand. And they’ve pretty much all been tagged, so my list will probably be very very short, but fuck it. I’ve never cared much for popularity, or following rules. Here goes nothing, hang on to your vaginas folks, it might be a bumpy ride.

1) – I am not allowed to vote for another two and a half years because roughly four and a half years ago I was convicted of a felony. Yes that’s right, surprise, I’m a criminal! I was pretty much just fucking around while I was drunk, but ended up in a particularly hairy/stupid situation involving accidentally breaking into an occupied dwelling and, due to my inebriation, talked mad shit to the cops who arrested me. Of course they took extra time to go through the book and find the absolute worst charge they could throw at me. I ended up with a bond of a quarter million, spent ninety nine days in jail, and got three years of probation. I’m still paying a high price for that one. Turns out the job market for felons is pretty sparse.

2) – I’ve had gray hair since my early teens. Well, not a full head of gray, only in one freakish little spot. You see I have this big ass birth mark behind my left ear, and all the hair grows really coarse out of it. And unlike the brown on the rest of my head, my birth mark hair grows jet black and gray. I guess that’s not too bad since my granddad started going bald at seventeen. (knock on wood)

3) – Unlike most people, I attended only a few years of public school. My parents, being borderline psycho bible thumpers, didn’t feel it was a good idea to throw me in with all the heathen children in Philadelphia, where I lived as a youngster. So my mom home schooled me and my two younger brothers for a good portion of our lives. I got more than them cause I was the oldest and she’s always had a hard time accepting it when I grew up. (you know how moms are, she’s just a sweet old lady) I was home schooled from preschool to 5th grade. Then I went to middle school for 6th and 7th, but I had a hard time adjusting from their sheltered Christian environment to the chaos of public school. I went back to home schooling for 8th through 10th grades, at which point I was about ready to commit matricide, so my folks put me back out for the last two years of high school. Basically I’m one of those dorky Christian home schooled kids everyone hates and makes fun of. But I made up for lost time. (see fact 1)

4) – I have a thing for midgets. They’re hot. Not all of them, but some of them are for sure. If I ever got the chance to bang a hot midget, I’d totally go for it. You can thank Jerry Springer for that little idiosyncrasy. In fact, I’m pretty much a freak all around. I’ll try anything. You’d better bring it if you want to sleep with me, cause if you’re boring, you’re getting kicked to the curb. Afterwards of course. TMI? Well don’t read my blog if you don’t want to know way too much about me. ‘Nuff said.

5) – Despite having gigantic brass balls, I have a few weird phobias. The worst of which is spiders. Way back in the day, my mom got bit by a spider in her sleep. She was bit on the cheek and her face swelled up like crazy. She had to go to the hospital and get antibiotics in an IV and all that crap. During the worst part, before they lanced her, her face was swollen so bad, one eye was completely shut, and the other was just a sliver. I guess that fucked me up as a kid, because ever since then I’ve been freaked out by spiders. I’m pretty good if I see them coming, but I wig out if they surprise me. Sort of like clowns.

6) – If I see Water World on TV, I have to watch it till the end. I used to hate that movie, but it got under my skin somehow, and now I freakin love it. People tell me that’s weird. I don’t think so. First of all, Kevin Costner is pretty cool. Hello, The Postman anyone? Also, Helen was super hot. In fact most chicks in post apocalyptic movies are super hot. I feel it’s important to note that the small freakish looking creature in this photo is not a midget, but in fact a normal sized human larva of some sort. At least that’s what IMDB says. super tasty water MILF

7) – I’m a licensed minister. Seriously. My super awesome lady friend Rachel recently asked my long time super awesome friend Kenny to marry her. And of course he said yes and everything was awesome. And they asked me to be their minister! So we went online and apparently you can order a legal (in the USA) Certificate of Ministry from the Universal Life Church Monastery for somewhere around $9.99, including shipping and handling. No shit. So I signed their marriage certificate and officiated their wedding. It was one of my proudest accomplishments ever. I really had a great day. In fact, that was the day Sarah and I first started talking to each other. You know how weddings make the brides maids all horny and shit. And what woman doesn’t love a man in uniform? None, duh! I also saw Rachel and Sarah’s father’s ass tattoo that day. It was a wild night. My favorite quote from the evening was at the reception, when one of the relatives said to me, “Damn! you know it’s gonna be a party when the preacher brings his own case of beer!” Some time I’ll give y’all the full rundown of the event. It was awesome. But yeah, I’m a man of the cloth now. Don’t stand too close, I’m expecting the lightning at any moment. Here’s me at the reception with my Certificate of Ministry.Padre Sexorz McFineass

So now comes the point in the evening where I allegedly anoint seven apostles in the sacred path of the meme. Righto. Well upon checking up on my blog subscription list it would seem the Toronto crowd hasn’t yet been pestered by this particular chain thing, so I suppose I’ll hit them up first.

1) Romi, from If You Read This I’ll Buy You Some Cake. She’s definitely got random and weird facts out the wazoo, if she hasn’t already done this, she needs to. Be prepared to cum in your pants when you read her blog. It’s fucking sweet.

2) GreenMetropolis, from Christmastime in the Emerald City. Not the sort of chick I actually see doing a meme, but if she did it would be way more interesting than anything you’ve ever done, and her biting sarcasm might just leave you with pleasure bruises.

3) Talea, from No Really, it’s Just My Face. I fucking love her name. For real. And I really want to see a picture of her face. How scowly could it be? I’ll bet she looks really hot and not pissy at all.

4) Linda, from From the Back Nine. Have you ever wondered what your grandma would be like if she ingested a lethal dose of kick ass? Well here you go, it’s Linda. But be forewarned, she’s got a wicked depressing streak in her writing.

5) Jonniker, from Jonniker. She’s a real life writer people. She makes money doing what you and I do for fun. Dammit! Not fair! Can anyone help me convince her to keep the pink hair? It’s wicked sexy.

6) King Steve, from Some Thoughts From the King. Actually, I just started reading his blog the other day. But so far he is kick ass. For instance, he taught me that a blumkin is: the delicately balanced art of getting your cock sucked while taking a dump. That’s the sort of thing they should teach you in school.

7) Stephanie Brown, from This is Me. I haven’t actually read her blog. It’s set to private or some shit. But I’ve known her for a long time in real life, so I’m sure she can come up with seven crazy factoids I don’t know. Bring it Steph.

Holy fuck, I came up with seven people. No way. I amaze me sometimes. Mostly when I’m flexing naked in front of the mirror. But that goes without saying. Any who, if you read this and you weren’t tagged, feel free to participate in the meme experience anyway. Screw it, you shouldn’t have to be tagged I say. As long as you read it. Isn’t that the whole point of a meme anyway, to spread like an STD around the crotch skin of the blogoshpere? I hope you all enjoyed my random facts. Don’t forget to think about me and touch yourself. Sweet dreams internet denizens.


28 responses to “7 Random/Weird Facts About Yours Truely

  1. You’re a minister?…That is fucked up…That doesn’t mean you’re activly seeking out pre-pubecent boys does it?…

  2. Yo: first of all, I LOVE how you described my blog…haha…thanks dude..

    And on your facts:

    -How is that Water World kid NOT a midget?!

    -I LOVE that you LOVE midgets, you awesome freak 😉

    -For some reason, I have become a spider-warrior, since my sister (AND brother) were always so afraid of them; in those trying times, all I could do was be brave…so I will kill any “surprise spiders” for ya 😉

    And lastly,, Shannon tagged me for that meme, and even though I broke the blog protocol rules, I posted my 7 facts in her comments section; Here they are for you now, in case you were wondering:

    #1: I have a recurring dream where the brakes in my car don’t work, and I’m driving round and round making constant right turns…wtf?

    #2: When I was a child, I would find worms in the school parking lot after rainfalls, and cut them in half (and they would still be alive, and the two parts would move in different directions!). It’s horrible I know, but I did it…

    #3: I use my eyelashes to score attention from the male population

    #4: I can’t eat ice cream unless I stir it up first and make it all “frozen-yogurt” like

    #5: When I was in university, I had an old-man crush on my 50-year-old Micro-Economics professor, ONLY because he had a British accent (believe me, it was only the accent, considering he was almost bald, and had a nice set of man boobs)

    #6: I am kind of repulsed by babies,’cause when I was 11-years old, I would have to take care of my baby cousin and change her diapers, and she had this 2-week phase where her poo was always dark green and slimy (GROSS..)

    #7: I like eating Hershey Kisses chocolates, not because they taste good (because they don’t…I mean helllllooo, Cadbury is where it’s at), but it’s fun to unwrap them…


  3. King Steve: not yet.

    Romi: I see, sometimes I glaze over the comments in other peoples blogs when I’m pressed for time, but thanks for reposting them here. I have a recurring dream where government agents chase me all around and I can swim through the air like a frog. My brother used to bite worms in half. I use my beer gut to get attention from the female populace. I totally do that ice cream thing too! No way! Everyone finds babies repulsive. They shit on them selves, they can’t swallow their own spit, and they have freaky bobble head necks. And word to your mother on the Cadbury thing. Heyshey can kiss their ass.

  4. Haha….I wouldn’t start if I was you…




    ME = STACEY…

    and p.s… why the fuck wud u want a bj while ur goin 4 a dump? WHY WHY WHY? …

    minsteter huh…. too bad you dont have a naughty catholic girl fettish…

  6. I have to get myself one of those Certificates of Ministry – that would be awesome.

    It’d be a great party trick.

  7. You’re right. I am hot.
    There. I said it.

  8. I’m posting my answers here too.
    1) I never attended public school until my freshman year of high school. When I did, it was in a brand new state that I had only moved to a week before. Talk about change. I didn’t do too bad though. Didn’t really go wild until about 18 and by that point I was already out of high school and in college.

    2) I had brain surgery this year, Feb 9. I had/have a Chiari Malformation I. I used to have the piece of skull that they removed, but someone in my family accidently threw it away. I’m thinking Uncle Steve. How does that happen? I do not know. I’m feeling pretty okay these days besides a few headaches occasionally (sometimes I do freak out and I’m like “omg lyke I had BRAIN SURGERY less than a year ago!”).

    3) I have a really awful temper. More often than not I can control my temper, more so now than ever before. The problem is that my temper typically only comes out with those that I love…..it’s awful, I know. The weird part about that is the majority of new people I meet are like…”wow! you are the nicest person I’ve ever met!” and my friends that know me best are probably sitting back saying “pshh…yea right! that girl is psycho mean!”. Thankfully a lot of that has changed and I treat the people I love the way that I should and thankfully I’ve gotten to show that to a few of my “old” friends. But I do still struggle sometimes, on bad days.

    4) I am in the process of trying to go to Bible college, Heritage specifically. I’m going to school to be a counselor…of the Christian persuasion. Once I’ve gotten my bachelors (oh my gosh, the next 4 years of my life is going to suck.) I will most likely be attending seminary after that to get my masters (oh my gosh, the next 8 years of my life is going to suck.). Aside from the great amounts of fear that I have with making this decision, I am super excited. I feel like I have finally discovered a job that I can use my talents and abilities best, and hopefully a job that will go nicely with living a fulfilling life.

    5) I have a weird laugh. Or I guess I should say, I have a lot of laughs and that is the weird part. I think it’s pretty annoying, I can’t stand to hear myself laugh. But other people tell me they think it’s really funny and that my laugh makes them laugh too. My brother says I have one of those “tip-your-head-back-and-open-your-mouth-wide” laughs.

    (my creative juices are sooo not running right now…)

    6) I am not a very adventurous person by nature. Meaning I won’t go and do things by myself that I think might be fun or interesting. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just end up talking myself out of it. I do like shopping by myself though. I don’t like doing the stereo-typical “girly” shopping trips of pretending that you really do think that shirt looks good on your best friend and yea, those pants are hot (not.)! It helps that I don’t have a best friend anymore. I do want to date/marry an adventurous person though. I’d like to be with someone that brings out those qualities in me that I cannot put into practice on my own.

    7) I’m really analytical. Not about everything, but about a lot of things. In most situations I’m either to the extreme analytical or to the extreme apathetic. I will buy a CD of a band I’ve never heard before for 15 bucks without even caring if they end up being good or not and then turn around and not be able to purchase a t-shirt that fits and looks good for 7 bucks because of this reason or another (and believe me, my analytical mind can come up with so many reasons that the t-shirt will end up being a bad purchase). It’s like bi polar….but not my moods.

    Sorry if these were really lame….but I’m just not that interesting of a person, lol. I won’t be tagging because this has been passed around my LJ friends list a few times already, but thanks for tagging me cause I hadn’t been tagged yet 🙂
    How are you doing? I hope you’re doing good, I really miss you guys a lot!

  9. I fucking heart you. I will totally do this – sort of. I don’t follow ‘rules’ thank you very much that involve me having to do weird tagging shit and what not. Besides, everyone has intertwined blogrolls, as Steve, Talea and Romi are all on mine. But I will post the seven odd facts. If I can think of anything odd about myself that I haven’t already mentioned.

  10. STACEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa darlin! Take a chill pill. I’ve got it fixed ok? Dang. I’m just not real good at remembering names, and I’ve picked up a lot of new blogs lately, and it’s all getting a bit confusing. I meant no harm by it. My bad. You = Stacey & Leaf P. = Shannon. I got it. I might just call you The Queen from now on to avoid any confusion. Let’s not be calling for any off-with-his-head nonsense.

    As for the blumkin, it’s not a real fantasy. Probably not very many dudes would ever want that. I personally hate taking a crap and want it over with as fast as possible. Save the hanky panky for when I can enjoy it thank you very much. Like when I’m watching Water World or something. It’s just a really funny mental image. I’m not a total misogynist, I just have a sick sense of humor. Like the dolphin porn thing, got it?

    And of course I have a thang for naughty catholic school girls. I went to Jr prom with one. She was this tasty little trailer park special I picked up in spanish class. And I dated a catholic school girl banker. I mentioned her in one of the last blogs. I love them all around. Nothing says sexy like short skirts, tight white blouses, and an upbringing filled with sexual repression. In fact, in my personal experience, theres no such thing as a catholic school girl who isn’t naughty! Why? Are you catholic? ; )

  11. Whoops, double posted that one. Why the fuck am I Josh half the time and Rotgut half the time? Lame.

  12. Ben: follow the link dude, it’s wicked awesome. I have mine framed.

    Talea: and you’re modest too! A woman of many talents.

    Green Metropolis: I feel you on the tagging thing. I felt like that dorky guy walking around on the last day of school asking for signatures for his year book from people he barely knows. I don’t think I’ll be following the tagging rules anymore. But yeah, your’s were awesome. I want to nail you! Sixteen times, in the neck hole! Bwahahahahaha! Ok, sorry … that was lame as hell. I just couldn’t resist.

    Steph: Hey, Bob Dumas from the Showgram on G105 had brain surgery and he’s still kicking. Don’t sweat it. trust me, if brains were delicate, I’d be dead. Jesus college huh? Well good luck with that, say hey if you see him. Tell him I haven’t forgot that twenty bucks he still owes me. I want to marry a sword swallowing contortionist who spends her off time sky diving and stunt driving … and is a ninja cyborg.

    Me and Nate and Sami are alright I guess. I’m waiting around to get sent to jail and Nate and Sami are working two jobs. It could be worse.

  13. MIDGETS. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh that’s priceless.

    I did this one once — I’ll dig it up and re-post it for you.

  14. Yay thank you 🙂 you get extra points 4 calling me darling..
    no im not catholic i dont believe in any religion but i can be a catholic girl for you 😉

    im glad the hole bj while crapping thing isnt something you actually want to pursue. yes please either call me the queen or if you cant manage that call me stace.. infact just call me 😉

    yeah i dont get why im lonelygurl21 sumtimes and queenbitch other times… maybe theres two of me…. and two of you? interesting..

    are you actually waiting to go to jail? it might help if you like steal a car or something to get in there quicker.. then break out prison break style..

  15. dang….how long will you have to be locked up this time? Hopefully not too long….
    It always sucks being down, but it makes the coming up so much sweeter.

  16. Hey, at least you don’t have to vote. I’m turning 18 next year and it will only be a matter of time before I have to. NOOOOOOOOOOO! I mean, it’s bad enough I’m getting bombarded by government ads, with those really fast talkers at the end of it. Just think a really drunk person talking really fast.

    This isn’t an election campaign, but it is still from the government so it’s really lame. But at the end of the ad, you’ll know what I mean:

  17. The Queen: I’ll consider you my bloggin catholic school girl from now on! And yes, I actually am waiting to go to jail. Tomorrow, and the next day, (wed/thur) I go to court twice. I am getting locked up, it’s just a matter of whether I go for weekend jail time, or go for 3/7 years. But hopefully it all won’t go down this weekend. Hopefully I will have time to explain to you all why I am going to jail, and maybe even when I am going to jail. But I am going. Cause I’m a menace to society, According to the law.

  18. Whoah! … Hold it right there Wendy! You aren’t 18? Is it legal to read my blog in your country if you aren’t 18? If not, please don’t read any more! Seriously, the last thing I need is to be picked up by interpol for letting some chick from another country read my shit over the internet! I don’t know where you’re from, but don’t get me arrested for some bull shit! Apparently the cops are looking for me anyway! But if you are legal, welcome!

  19. Steph: somewhere between several months of weekend time to seven years in prison.

  20. I can’t believe you dream about air-swimming like a frog; your dream self is wicked-cool 😉

  21. Romi: do you dream anything wicked cool?

  22. that sucks dude.. since im your (internet) catholic school girl i’ll have dirty raunchy sex 4 you … good luck and all that its wednesday night now so you should be finding out? you must tell us all.. how will we live without you in society?

    im 21 and i dont vote. i just cant b fucked i dont like any of the fuckwits running they shud just make me priminister and be dun with it. i’ll get you out of prison too. lol

  23. Sadly (and lamely) I dream about work a lot, but sometimes in the work dreams I have an ass to die for, as well as a lobster claw for a left hand,so I guess that’s kind of wicked cool 😉

  24. The Queen: you have my vote! Look out NZ, here I come! Court was normal, just a continuance till december. Tomorrow morning court will probably go the same.

    Romi: Hah! A lobster claw? That’s definitely wicked cool. Kind of scary, but still cool. And holy shit, I can’t even begin to describe how weird my dreams are. Maybe I’ll post some of them up to give you an idea. Maybe not, depends on my mood.

  25. Yay i have one vote… woo..

    so is it good that you have a continuance til december?
    i have weird dreams too.. kinda freaky shit..
    gud luck 4 today (its thursday)
    post about your dreams

  26. A continuance just means I have to wait another month to start the legal proceedings. It gives me and my lawyer more time to prepare for trial or sentencing or whatever. It’s delaying the inevitable. I’m honestly ready to get it all over with and be done with it. Fuck! It’s stressing me out hard core.

  27. Oh i see making you wait it out. that sucks dont stress.. look at more viabrators…

    good luck 🙂 one of my mates had to go to court today as well i havent heard from him so i dunno what happend… but anyway good luck 🙂

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