A brief history of my YouTube addiction.

Well a year and a half ago I discovered YouTube. Before that I did things like occasionally view sunlight and interacting with members of the opposite sex, nay the general populace. But I found YouTube and got sucked in by it’s crack magic. I was smitten with an electronic love for this astonishing wonderland of creativity and global interaction. I made new friends from across the globe. I made myself some videos. And life was good.

You see, before YouTube the internet really had no use for me besides free porn and illegally downloaded music. I was happy limiting my usage to those two activities. But YouTube opened my eyes to a vast array of internet activities I had never been exposed to. After the initial binge of video consumption, I began reaching my e-tendrils out to other sites. I got a Myspace page, also known as social heroin. I started reading a few blogs. Pretty soon I moved on to harder usage, like Break.com, MegaUpload, and Flickr. I found out about all the free games and cool sites that I had never thought could exist.

Anyway, I thought I might share some of my previous internet activities with my new blog readers, sort of like a brief history of Josh. And before any of you start sending me your panties and professing your love for me, I’m sadly taken. You will have to long from a distance. Also, I realize that when my goatee is long it looks like pubic hair. I wear it short now to avoid that little problem. I just always wanted a long ass goatee, even as a young child, so I had to try my hand at it for several years a little while before I gave it up.

This first one was the only one that really kicked ass. Well it was at least funny to me. The premise was all about sticky songs. You know the annoying ones you don’t really like, but when you hear them you can’t get them out of your head for days. I believe in German they are called Orverms (I have no idea how it’s spelled, i just did it phonetically) which translates to “ear worms”. Yeah, well this video will unstick them by replacing them with lots of even more annoying songs using the latest in psychological therapy, a side hobby of mine. Ahem.

This was the first video I ever made. I didn’t have a camcorder at the time, so I had to use stills to illustrate the story line. I entered it into a contest a fella by the name of AericWinter hosted, in which you had to make a video about one of your stuffed animals. This one was all about (Curious) George the sock monkey. It’s weird, I’m just warning you.

And last but not least, a video I did for a friend of mine VeeBeeLicious, a total fox from across the pond. She, like me, is a bit of a freak, and she requested that all her subscribers make her a video in drag. Or at least in make up, I think I kind of volunteered the drag part. But anyway, if you want to see me in womens clothes, this would be the video for you. Also featured in this video, my brother Nate and my Sister-in-law Sami.

That pretty much sums up all the half way decent videos I made. Most everything else was shit, but if you want to check it out, my YouTube profile is OnceYouGoatee. Peace and chicken grease from Dixie Land.


27 responses to “A brief history of my YouTube addiction.

  1. I honestly don’t know how I lived to this point before seeing that first video. I was snorting (SNORTING) and heaving, I swear to you, I was laughing so damn hard.





    Seriously, that’s fucking hysterical.

  2. After gleefully reading your comments over at Sundry, I am SO HAPPY to find you have a blog. Awesome.

  3. DUDE!!! i totally put greys onto mute to watch you and FUCK YOUR FUNNY…. ahhh… you hafta keep this shit up so when im grumpy or sad i can come laugh at you!!

    your the best!

    even though im not sposed to go to youtube.. it takes up heaps of bandwidth…


  4. Jonniker: You have no idea how proud I am to have made you smile! Let alone snort! I really think you are the shit, and making you laugh makes me a very happy man. I suppose I should admit that “snow fetus” was entirely my brothers idea. And yes, that was all the snow we got last year. I believe making you snort with the funnies ranks right up there with an honorable mention in my blog hero’s latest post over at All and Sundry. I’m made entirely of smiles and pride today! Thanks Jonniker!

    BlackSheeped: I am so glad you found me! I am also a black sheep! Welcome to Sprinting to Hell.

    The Queen: screw the bandwidth. Every Queen needs a jester right? Well welcome to my merry land of mayhem! I wish I could make you laugh in person. Too bad you live on the other side of the planet.

  5. LOL yes i want a jester! with the hat! and the funny shoes and the bells on the end…
    YES that’d b funny to make me laugh in person! i get giggle fits and i cant stop laughing sometimes… its great… unless i have a drink … lol

  6. The Queen: well as long as I don’t have to wear my heart on my sleeve, I will make you and your entire court laugh until you get tired of me and have me beheaded.

  7. no you wont have sleaves! it’ll just b the hat and the shoes…
    “and off with his head”

  8. Okay, so I’m not a YouTuber really, but I have been sucked in by the crack that is facebook (quite superior to Myspace, really.) However, I wanted to comment on the goatee thing. Because my ‘frequent flyer’ as I call him (one of those ‘not boyfriend’ situations) Has a long goatee. And when other people see pictures of him, the first thing they say is that his beard looks like pubes. And I go all red and start defending it’s adorableness. So…you just earned a point in the Emerald City. Congratulations.

  9. The Queen: Sweet. I prefer to jest in the buff.

    Green Metropolis: Go me. Goatees rock! Tell your friend with benefits or whatever that I support his wickedly bold facial hair move! We have to keep the faith. Bald faces are for children and ladies. In fact that’s what my YouTube user name means: once you goatee, you never go back!


    -Oh my goodness, how was I supposed to watch all this and not die of laughter 🙂 ? Especially when you already had me in tears by “She Bangs”..haha, but I watched it all…omg, I LOVED your slow interpretive dance moves during “My Heart Will Go On”, and I was ALL over your “grocery bag blonde wig” for “Barbie Girl”, and then again for “Mmmmbop”…hahaha…seriously, in all my life, I never understood what the fuck they were talking about in the verses, when they kept describing “mmmbop” as some object or person..wtf???? And obviously the “glow in the dark” “blue” rendition with the cool flowy sequences was friggin’ cool 🙂

    PS: I am so pissed off that stupid “Mambo #5” doesn’t reference “a l’il bit of “Romi” on the side”…bitches…

    -AND DUDE, I can’t believe you ran over the snow-fetus like 4 times!! 😦 …wrongness…

    -And haha…I love George, and how he kept your imagination going!! I totally laughed my ass off when he told “Paris” to go back to to “rainbow village”..lol…and did george have some sort of NY gangster accent, or was it just me?

    -And finally, you are one HOT-ASS girl..haha…seriously I was loving your burgundy lipgloss, I am ALL ABOUT the vintage-whore look 😉 …and don’t even get me started on your sexy rack….HOT….

    In conclusion, I’m just replaying it all in my and head laughing; you are one of the funniest people ever; I’m so glad we found each other in blog world!!! 🙂

  11. Excellent nude it is!!!
    you should do that other ricky martin song.. dont ask me what it is i cant remember what its called lol

  12. I don’t get YouTube. Its like shopping at Winners. I just don’t have the patience to filter through utter crap to find the one good thing.
    But I’m glad that you love it.

  13. Aw! I can’t watch because I’m at work… Actually your blog is one that I have to kind of avoid at work anyway… especially since you linked to dolphin porn…

    Also: I’m addicted to the cooking channel. its the beginning of a long slide into hardcore addiction. Before you know it I’ll be watching lifestyle and travel and recording documentaries on the history channel.

  14. I will totally tell my frequent flyer about your glowing accolades of his beard. It’s uber cute. He also has long black hair, wears nothing but black, and has a tendency to wear a tshirt that says ‘smell my fist’. hardcore, no?

    You know what else you can find on YouTube? EVERYSINGLESEASONOFAMERICASNEXTTOPMODEL!!!!!!!! That’s right. Fo’ shizzle.

  15. Romi: well thank you sweet heart, but you should be warned, my doctor told me I don’t need any more ego boosts or my head might explode! I’m not sure exactly why I chose to give that accent to George. I think it might have been a combination of Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Charlie the Unicorn. (funniest cartoon ever! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus ) And of course I’m a hot ass girl. I’m hot ass at everything I do. why do you think J.T. brought sexy back? Cause I took it all, clearly.

  16. The Queen: probably “La Vida Loca”.

    Leaf Probably: Yes, I should have named my blog “NSFW Fuckers!” but I didn’t know if it would sound too cheesy. What if I wanted to blog about tulips or puppies or some shit, but I couldn’t because I was type cast as NSFW. Also, I fucking LOVE <3<3<3 the food network. You have no Idea. And Rachael Ray? Don’t even get me started. What I wouldn’t give to stick a bun in her oven! In fact, i love the history channel too, and the discovery channel, and scifi, and pretty much everything on cable all the time. But I love Heroes the most because it’s head and shoulders above anything else that’s ever been broadcast on television.

    Green Metropolis: He sounds like a lot of my friends. Is he into metal? I swear I’m not a psychic, I’m just good like that. (unless he’s not, in which case, I’m not good like that) Smell my fist: hardcore yes! I would so smell his fist. Top Model, right. I still refuse to watch that show, ever. I’ll get my Top Model from Romi like I get my news from John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. With a heavy filter of comedy.

  17. *sigh* YES he is into metal. Apparently played guitar on NIN’s ‘Heresy’ or whatever. Rammestein something or other. Whatever.
    All that matters is that I heart your blog. It can be the comedy filtered way I get YouTube, like the comedy filtered way you get America’s Next Top Model and the news. Comedy filtered through comedy? The possibilities are dazzling. Dazzling, i say!!!!!

  18. AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL ON YOUTUBE? oh fun!! sadly i cannot go and watch as i made a bet (with myself) that i cant find out who wins this cycle. grr…

    Yes do livin la vida loca!! do it….. man i wish we had cable over here except that all your writers are on strike.
    Rock on metal i say.

  19. Green Metropolis: No fucking shit! He’s famous and shit! He’s recorded with super, mega, fist smelling, rock thrashing, fire swallowing, death wizards? Well that means you’re a groupie I suppose. And everyone knows Josh loves him some groupies. I would have been a rock star if it weren’t for my complete lack of musical talent. I swear, I party like a rock star all the time. And I cuss like one. And if I were one, and had groupies, I would have indiscriminate unprotected sex like a rock star and die early like a rock star. Actually, I’m still working on that last one. But alas, if you aren’t in a band, you get no groupies. But you can be my e-groupie if you want. Tell your frequent flyer (what the fuck does that even mean, are we talking mile high club, or getting high like a plane, or incredibly confusing systems in which you redeem points for traveling certain distances at certain rates during certain times of the year to select locations?) that I will come strip for him if I’m ever in Toronto.

    The Queen: You don’t have cable? How do you get cable then? With satellites and shit or what? And yes, our fucking writers are on strike. And yes, that sucks. And yes, rock on metal I say as well!
    \m/> <\m/ (rock on)

  20. Oh my god, that “Charlie the Unicorn” cartoon was SOOO effin’ funny!!! Those two drugged-out high-voiced unicorns were freaking me out…lol..and then they lured poor Charlie away with all their “candy talk”, but I didn’t see no gum drops! Assholes…lol…

    PS: I love how JT had to get his sexy back from you, but I’m glad you kept enough of it for yourself, you sweet-ass bitch 😉

  21. We like dont have cable… we have free to air tv which is channels 1,2,3,4 and prime tv channel 4 goes all night if you pay for it. and thers this other freetoview tv channel which is kind of retarded. then theres sky tv which i guess is like cable but thers not as many channels and its pretty dumb and costs heaps.

    also i tried to add a comment to your page (on myspace) so you’d know it was me and not some fake person but it wouldnt let me. my name is either queen bitch or queen b … cant remember.. but you’ll no its me.

    lol your hand gester things were cute.

  22. The Queen: Yeah, we get a few channels with a regular antenna. i think it’s 5, 11, 17, 22, 28, whatever the Mexican channel is, whatever channel the Christian station is, and 50. That’s most of the major networks. But if we want anything else we have to buy (ie:steal) cable or satellite.

  23. lol oh yeah i found out how to borrow sky tv the other day but its not worth it any more. they used to have a cool cartoon channel with the jetsons, flintstones, snorks annnnnd something else on it. my ex ex ex bfs parents had sky (i think i was 16?) and i was at his place and i got up at 5am to watch cartoons. that was fun. now its dumb

    im so moving to america you guys have cool stuff..

  24. The Queen: Yes, yes we do. In fact America is built on cool stuff. If we didn’t have all our convenience and delicious food and sweet crap, we wouldn’t be us. You don’t even want to know about all the cool shit on cable. See, we’re stealing cable right now, and even with the basic cable you can steal, we still get up to channel seventy seven. 77 channels Stacey! No joke! And if you get the pricey packages, you can get like five hundred channels or more, from all over the damn planet. And we have DVR so you can record the show you like whenever you are working, sleeping, or even watching something else, and watch them again at your convenience. And when you record the shows, you don’t have to watch the commercials. It is awesome. You can pause and rewind live television. It’s sort of like watching TV in heaven.

  25. your steeling cable? cool! 77 channels? wooooooow…. from all over the damn planet? wikid.. oh i want a DVR with a hard drive! dont you have tvo? thats what its called aye? lol im aware you can rewind and pause tv. we’re not that far out in the stix. :p

  26. The Queen: I meant no insult. I don’t know what sort of cool cable shit you have over there. I just think it’s a cool ass technology. I get excited about that sort of thing, sorry. And we don’t actually have Tivo or DVR. Or any of the better package channels. But we do have our 77 basic channels. I mean, you made it sound like you have no cable companies over there. I wouldn’t know. It is an island, maybe there just aren’t any cable companies yet. I couldn’t tell you anything at all about New Zealand. Except that you have wicked hot accents. And I think there’s a lot of sheep ranches. And I believe the Lord of the Rings trilogy was filmed in the mountains over there. Otherwise, I know nothing. I imagine it across between Australia’s wilderness and Hawaii. It’s not my intent to be ignorant of what goes on in your part of the world, we just never get any news or shows or music or anything from over there. So I have no idea.

  27. Oh i wasnt insulted.. it was possiblly early in the morning while drinking my coffee so im sorry…

    our cable isnt cool its sky lol technically we’re like 3 islands.. 2 main ones and one dumb one thats like a bird sanctury down the bottom. we have wikid hot accents? choice. sheep ranches? err… i dont think so actually australia has more sheep per person population than what we do but we still get the sheep shagger jokes. meh. lol
    um… i have sum pics around the place of like nz i’ll put them up sometime.

    our music is substandard you may have heard of evemore or perhaps shihad? evermore are like pop rock.. shihad are a bit harder but still nothing i listen to..

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