Occasionally I want to talk about meme.

40 Secrets About Yourself
Be HONEST no matter what!

1.What’s your natural hair color?

Brown. Oooh, we’re off to a hectic start with these soul piercing secrets aren’t we?

2. where was your default pic taken?

In my brothers car port on Halloween night. We actually just screwed around in the car port all night cutting up plywood to floor the attic. We were about drunk as hell. Some of the parents just skipped our house entirely. Here’s me brushing my teeth after we ate all the candy that the kids didn’t get.

floss everyday

3. What’s your middle name?

Lorne. Pronounced like thorn. As in Lorne Michaels from SNL. NOT Lauren. It’s a guys name dammit. And I just so happen to be the fourth first born male on my fathers side to have that middle name. (I hate it, can you tell?)

4. Your current relationship status?

Me and the woman from Halloween are no longer together. So single. I’m getting kind of sick of being single. Do men have biological clocks?

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?

I don’t really have a real life crush right now, just e-crushes. All the good women I hang out with are taken. I do fantasize about some of them though. Usually I just miss my ex. (The good one, not the last one. See question 10)

6. What is your current mood?

Just think pissed, then add tired and lonely and stressed out and you should have a good idea of what sort of day I’m having.

7.What color underwear are you wearing?

Black boxer briefs. Wanna see my package? It looks good in these.

8.What makes you happy?

You know after sex, when you are drifting off to sleep, and someone is curled up next to you, with their nose in your ear, and they sigh and make that mmmmmm sound. That’s what makes me the happiest. That and fighting. Fighting makes me pretty happy. Oh yeah, and beer.

violence is manly

10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?

I would have gotten control of my alcoholism before I destroyed the relationship I had with the bank manager. I still think about that every single day. Probably the biggest regret of my life. But she’s probably happier with someone else anyway. I wasn’t normal enough to make her happy even when I was sober.

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?

I’d be a house cat. They get to eat and sleep all day. I could really use a day of sleep.

teh kitteh. sleep has it.

12. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes. Several. I was in a pretty wicked truck wreck once. It rolled over three times and everyone except me left on a stretcher. I was just sore and cut up a little bit. I could have very easy died though. I was lucky.

13. Something you do a lot?

Uh, work. Whack off. Curse. Smoke. Listen to rock and roll. All the good stuff.

14. What’s the name of the song stuck in your head right now?

Cherokee Nation by Paul Revere and the Raiders. This video plays the kick ass song with photos from Cherokee North Carolina, a kick ass reservation in the smoky mountains on the west side of my kick ass state. I went there as a kid. I enjoyed it. Very much a tourist trap town. I didn’t go to the casinos, I was too young.

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?

Emerald Hottentots.

6. Name someone with the same b-day as you?

(I had to look this up) Buffy the Vampire Slayer, aka Sarah Michele Gellar. The brother from Everybody Loves Raymond, Brad Garrett. Ritchie Blackmore, the guitarist for Deep Purple. \m/> <\m/ Also less cool, Pete Rose and Loretta Lynn.

Ritchie Blackmore of Deep Purple

17. When was the last time you cried?

I’m a man and I’m tougher than robot leather. My tear ducts just pump testosterone and nitroglycerine.

18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?

Yes, but not well.

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?

This has been a topic of debate with my brother and I for a long time. I think the coolest and most useful power would be the ability to morph my body into any shape I wanted. He thinks the best would be controlling gravity. He’s dumb and I’m right.

carnage morphs cool

20. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Really, that often depends on what they’re wearing. Not their eye color usually. More like an overall impression of their face. But sometimes they have an exceptional ass or boobies or both, and then those catch my eye and I get distracted from everything else. Sorry, I’m a hetero male. But the face is the most important. I’m not that picky about bodies, but I know right away whether I’m attracted to a face or I think it’s ugly.


21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?

Nothing, Starbucks sucks ass.

22. What’s your biggest secret?

No way. No fucking way. I’ve got entire cemeteries in my closet.

23. What’s your favorite colour?


24. When was the last time you lied?

I don’t know. I think it’s been a while.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?

Yes. Spongebob is cool when you’re baked. There’s more, I just don’t remember right now.

bad llama

27. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?

Nothing. I had a brownie with icing earlier though.

28. Do you speak any other language?

Yo hablo pequito espanol putas. Chupa lo.

29. What’s your favourite smell?

Grilling meat. But sawdust is pretty good too. And that smell that your hands make when you tighten a drill bit and it spins real fast in your hand and almost burns you. And what the hell, why be original, female is pretty nice too. Although I really probably just enjoy being in situations where I’m close enough to distinctly smell female scent.

30. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?


31. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?

Earlier at dinner. I went to some friends house to eat wings and pizza.

32. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?

Negative, not yet. Other kissing related activities I’ve never done include: kiss on valentines day, kiss on anniversary, kiss on stroke of new years, and kiss a complete stranger.

I Can Has Kiss?

33. What are you thinking about right now?

I’m thinking this survey is pretty focused on relationships when it could be focused on something less depressing.

34. What should you be doing?

Smoking up and going to sleep.

35. What was the last thing that made you upset?

Question 32 didn’t really put me in a great mood.

36. How often do you pray?

Me and god don’t talk. We have an understanding.

jesus is one bad ass natch

37. Do you like working in the yard?

Sometimes. I do enjoy physical work a lot, but mowing sucks. Gardening is kind of fun. Grilling often happens in the yard, does that count?

38. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?

Fightmaster, Longfellow, Badass, Butcher, Tank, Prime, Armstrong, pretty much any kick ass manly name. But I like my real name.

39. Name 5 things in your closet.

Five things in the closet besides Ryan Seacrest? Right now the only thing in my closet is some blankets, clothing, and the screen from my window which I removed so I could smoke out on the roof.

40. Do you act different around your crush?

No, I always flirt with everyone. It’s my way of pretending like I’m not intimidated by hot women. Cause honestly, y’all are kind of scary. So I put on my game face and dork-flirt my way through life.

Happy fucking black history month

8 responses to “Occasionally I want to talk about meme.

  1. Alllllllllllllllllllrighty! Yay, I get to comment on every single question! Because I feel like it!!!

    1. Blah.
    2. I heart your mask.
    3. That’s a kickass middle name! Totally better than Irene.
    4. You and me both. Ugh! Why am I apparently so undateable?!?!?
    5. I e-crush you back!!! (blush blush girly-dance)
    6. Awww, boo. (Virtual hugs and possible lick on ear. I do that a lot.)
    7. *bites tongue…public forum* 😛
    8. Look out for the cuddle monster!!!!!! GRAAARRRzzzzzzzzzzzzmmmmmph
    9. Oh yeah, there never was a number nine. What the hell?
    10. Yeah, I get that ‘not normal enough’ thing too. I’m kind of tired of having to explain exactly why I’m such a freak.
    11. Yeah, and then you could wake me up at all hours of the night and piss on my couch. Fucking cats.
    12. Dude, hardcore. Never been in a carwreck. But then, I shun the automobile.
    13. You and me both 🙂 (Except for the whacking off part, they have different terms for that in my case….ummmmm too much info I guess?)
    14. You have mountains n’ shit? Dang. I always make fun of Americans for not knowing about any other country, but I suppose I shouldn’t talk then…
    15. Damn straight I’m hottentots!!!
    16. Dude, that’s awesome!!! \m/ X \m/ Hmmm, doesn’t look quite the same there, but still…I will be stealing that in the future.
    17. Isn’t robot leather a bit of an oxymoron as the definition of leather is that it comes from a cow? (Plus, I thought leather was supposed to be all ‘supple’ and shit.)
    18. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *points and laughs* Men singing is the funniest thing in the world.
    19. Your brother is dumb and you’re right. Oooh, I can make people float or not float or be extra heavy. Pfffft. Plus, that picture, while awesome, is missing the gigantic rendition of pissing oneself that would no doubt be occuring should that ever actually happen to anyone.
    20. Guh! UUUGHGHH!!! *retch retch retch* MY EYES!!!!! OH GOD MY EYES!!!
    21. Um…um….um….LOOK OVER THERE!!!! BOOBIES!!!! *grabs $4 caramel apple cider and runs*
    22. Yeah, my whole insecurity thing and the Lolita complex are pretty interesting…but probably not my biggest secret. That’s kind of a dumb question, really, who would put that up for the world to see?
    23. w0000000000t!!!!!
    24. I’m pretty sure you lied to me about not being a geek or something in the comments for my 40 questions. Something about spiderman? I’m too lazy to look it up. However, I do distinctly recall calling you a liar. 😀
    25. OMG, Spongebob!!! How could I forget??!! When he does the 80’s rockstar singing thing, AWESOME!!! I have Spongebob pyjamas. There. You’re welcome.
    26. Wait, where the hell is 26? What was 26 again? I forget…shit.
    27. Ketchup chipsssssssmmmmmmmmmmmm
    28. Dammit! I fail at that. Oh hey, you could probably be well cast in a beavis and butthead episode. Cornholio and all that? Yeah, I’m not being very helpful.
    29. I roasted half my hand once…I kind of forget how. The smell of cooking flesh is pretty unmistakable. I wouldn’t associate it as being a ‘good’ smell. But then again, I’ve been to the autopsy rooms….yeah.
    30. But…but…there’s all kinds of fun surprises! Like kinder surprises. Boobies! And toys at the bottom of the crap cereal! And finding five bucks in an old jacket! And when a drunk girl falls in your lap! Hell, even I love that!
    31. *HUGS!!!!!!stealsasliceofpizzaandruns*
    32. Huh. Yeah, the last time I was actually dating someone around Valentines day was when I was 14. Not so much. I fucking hate Valentines day. Never done the new years thing or even dated anyone long enough to have an anniversary. Hmmm…this is totally going to end in a “my dating life sucks worse than yours!!!” contest. (P.S. I totally had all four KISS figurines on my bookshelf in highschool. My dad was all “dude, there’s guys at the shop who would give their left nut for those things.” Thanks dad. I heart Gene Simmons.)
    33. Ugh! Hadn’t noticed that, but yeah. Depressed now. Thanks! Don’t be depressed! (Ummmm….’kay, everyone else look away. *flash!* There, better? Works on me! Romi, get flashin’ we got a boy to cheer up! Talea will just shake her head and laugh at me.)
    34. Dude, get on that then! I have to have at least SOME vicarious thrills through the internet.
    35. See, I had totally thought you had done the kiss in the rain thing, since you were all “clearly you’ve never been in a warm rain, blah blah blah.” Isn’t it warm all year round there? Just go out with a sign that says ‘free makeouts! sloppy makeouts!’ and you should be set, right?
    36. Hmmm. Does one sided yelling at the clouds count? I would totally pray to cyborg ninja pirate jesus. He’d get shit done, yo.
    37. Grillin’ and chillin’ like a villain, yo. Totally counts.
    38. Longfellow is pretty much the only believable one. Except for armstrong, but that’s not very impressive. Longfellow would totally kick ass.
    39. Where the hell do you live where you have to go outside to smoke? Boourns!
    40. Holy moley!!! Tell me you know those ladies!!! I totally want to smack that ass! Can I come down to North Carolina, and then be all “yeah, dudes, I totally made out with some chick on a beer keg.”? That would be sweet. I’d be rich, too. Those pictures sell, dude.

    There you go. My opinions on your life! I totally rule. 😛

  2. Woah! That’s a long ass comment! Oh well, plenty of me to go around.

  3. Em: Wow. And the funniest thing is that you have time to do all this while at work. Lucky girl. Ok, so here we go.

    3)No, Lorne is not cooler than Irene. But thanks anyway. I would switch with you but, meh. I don’t really want a chick name, Lorne is bad enough.
    4) What happened to awesome dude? He’s not your fuck buddy anymore?
    6)Holy hell! A lick on the ear? Sweet! You found my spot.
    8) Cuddle monster? That’s like the least scary monster ever. Sounds fun though.
    10) I think all the cool people are weird. Normal people are so boring. I don’t even bother explaining anymore, I just let people see me how they want and do my thang without narry a care. Mostly.
    11) You would let me piss on your couch!
    12) You’ve seriously never been in a car wreck? For real? How does that happen? Everyone had been in a car wreck. I guess you use the subway though, and we don’t have one of those here, so everyone drives around. Usually crazy like.
    13) Flicking the bean.
    14) Yeah we have mountains. The Appalachian mountains, aka the smoky mountains. They go pretty far north, but I don’t know if they change names before they hit Canadia. We also have a coast. And I live in the middle, aka the piedmont. Lots of suburban sprawl and farm land.
    17) Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke. Cause robot leather would be metal, which would be very tough. I guess it didn’t really work.
    20) Bahahahahahahahaha! I win!
    22) I suppose I could have tried harder to think of an acceptable secret compromise. How about this, since Talea brought up Hanson. When they first came out with mmmbop, I thought the lead singer was a chick, and I thought he/she was cute. That was an awkward revelation. Whoops. I’m totally straight though. I hardly ever make out with guys.
    24) Oh yeah, I did lie about not being a total geek, which I am, and am now publicly admitting. Thanks Em for ruining my wicked street cred.
    26) I think 26 is hanging out with 9.
    29) First of all, how the hell do you forget how you roasted half your hand, and second, you’ve been to the autopsy rooms? That must have been cool. Did you get to poke any bodies? Cause my dad just gave me permission to poke his corpse if I’m still alive for his funeral.
    30) Yeah, I was in a shitty mood when I wrote this. I really love living sometimes. Especially when drunk girls fall in my lap. And cereal prizes too. And making friends online that remind you life is fun when you are feeling pissy. 🙂
    32) I would win a my-dating-life-sucks-more contest. Trust me, the few relationships that have marred the otherwise completely barren wasteland that is my romantic life have been full of drama, dysfunction, and general bull shit. None of them have ended well, at all.
    33) Sweet, an e-flash. And Talea didn’t just shake her head, nudge nudge, wink wink. No not really, don’t beat me up T-bone.
    35) It’s not warm all year long. There’s a few months when it’s chilly. But it was 67 degrees today. (19.4 C) And Tuesday and Wednesday it’s supposed to be 76 and 78. (about 25 C) Yeah, I worked in shorts and a t-shirt. Hahahaha! And it’s cold as crap up there. All rainy and miserable. I might just go swimming, or lay outside and get a tan! Ha suckers! And yet, no warm rain sloppy make outs. Damn. Reverse burn.
    37) I say chillin like a villain all the time. And sometimes gellin like a felon, cause of the Dr. Scholl’s commercials.
    38) Actually I remember this from one of my very first posts, I don’t think I had found you yet. But there actually was a guy named Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster. No shit, I didn’t believe it at first either. That’s the coolest name ever. I’ll see if I can find it again to show you. Max fucking Fightmaster. Damn.
    40) Um, negative. I do not know those chicks. But I do know other really hot chicks, and if you got them half drunk they would probably make out with you. A lot of them are/were bi.

  4. Ha, this is going to be a long-ass series of comments.

    4) Awesome dude is still around, just hellof busy. And I don’t use the term fuck buddy, that just has horrible connotations. It’s just that we’re not labelling anything just yet, so I’m still technically single. And when I’m pissed off at 4am, he’s not someone I would call. Too early for that. So, yeah, still technically single. Boourns.
    11) I wouldn’t necessarily let you piss on my couch…but it would probably smell better or at least wash out better than cat piss. Motherfucking cats.
    12) Nope, no car wrecks. Subway all the way. Though one apparently derailed today. Hmmmm.
    13) Ewwwwwww! Never heard that one. My favourite is “putting on lip gloss” cause it still sounds pretty at least.
    14) Ok, I got freaked out for a second because I had a good idea of where NC was, but the mountain thing messed me up. They must disappear before they hit Canada, because Toronto is pretty much where you end up if you go north for a while. And um, we don’t have any mountains.
    22) Yeah, I thought he was a chick too. AND I thought s/he was cute.
    29) It’s called “I don’t remember high school” And the autopsy room was cool, and yes I’ve poked bodies. His named was Buddy and he died of rectal carcinoma. Look it up. Grody. We also got to see the decomp bins, and the metal cage used for scooping up bits of jumpers from the subway. Yummy.
    30) Yay me!
    35) So what exactly do you consider ‘chilly’?
    37) I love the Dr. Scholl’s commercials. You don’t have to be a doctor, man. I’d totally buy those things from a Mr. Scholl’s. Hell, I’d buy them from a Senor Scholls.
    38) Actually, I do remember that. I was reading some of your old posts, cause I’m sure there’s some I’ve missed.
    40) We need to start planning, my friend. A quest is afoot!!!

  5. Em:
    4) What’s so bad about the term “fuck buddy”? I think it has a nice casual feel to it.
    12) So I guess people in Toronto don’t need to own cars then. Have you ever owned one? Hell, have you ever driven one? You didn’t always live in Toronto did you? For some reason I was thinking you grew up farther west, or maybe that was Talea.
    13) The term “rub one out” applies nicely to both men and women.
    14) Geez. I’ll include some stuff about NC in my next post, but I looked it up, and the Appalachian mtns go east of you, up through Maine and into east Canadia. I have no idea what province or territory or whatever is on your eastern shore, but they end over there.
    35) From Halloween until the end of February we can have temperatures below freezing. It was twenty degrees for the low a few weeks ago. But we don’t usually get enough snow to cover the grass, which pretty much lives straight through our winter. It’s hotter than hell for most of the year though, so when you get a mild summer, we’ll be having temperatures over a hundred. (37.8 C)
    36) Sweet. I love quests that involve watching hot chicks make out on top of vast quantities of beer.

  6. 4) Yeah, but fuck-buddy implies that I’m disposable. Now, normally I’m all “pfft YOU’RE the disposable one buddy” but in this case I’m all “Marry me!!! Not now….we can maybe move in together in ten years…and then maybe think about it five years later. And then be funky old people taking pictures of funky buildings and passerby.” But still. This one is normal!!! And super awesome.

    12) Never owned a car, never driven a car, never took my drivers test, never picked up the book, never plan to. I walk or transit, or on the rare occasion some other monthly-payment shackled schmuck drives me if I’m going to Ikea or some scary suburb. I can honestly count the number of times I was in a car last year on both hands. And you don’t have a subway, right? Ever been on a subway? Seen a subway? Smelled a subway? (Talea is from the West. Or West-er in comparison. She’s really from the middle. The SASSSSSSK!!!)

    13) Really? I thought that was solely a dude’s term…I can’t see myself being all “Okay, I’m gonna go rub one out, bye!” I’d be all “Okay, I’m going to go play, and you can’t watch! Bye!”

    14) We tend to…not talk very much about the east coast up here. Except for some reason, all our political satirists have a strong east coast accent.

    35) You…suck. Fucking snow. Apparently we’re getting another asskicking tonight.

    36) Me too!

  7. Em: 4) Well, no one is calling you disposable. I hope this guy turns out to be everything you hope he is. Cause if anyone deserves to move in with someone in ten years, it’s you.
    12) Nope. Never been on a subway. I was in a subway station once in New York cause the bus station was connected to it, but I wasn’t in the subway part, just the bus part. We don’t really have public transportation here. If you live in downtown Raleigh, there are buses that will take you to some parts of the city, but the nearest bus station to here is probably five or six miles away. Everyone has a car, or something to drive around. But that’s cool, I bet it’s fun living in a city where you never have to drive.
    14) What’s wrong with the east coast? I’ve never heard anything about it. Are they just back woods hill billies, sort of like the stigma around West Virginia down here?
    35) Hahahahaha! It’s soooo nice here. It’s like heaven. I could walk around naked if I wanted to. And even warmer tomorrow! Perfect weather!

  8. I hope so too!!! He’s so pretty in that manly way and has the artsy long hair. We need to fix your subway situation stat! First thing to do if you ever make it up here is to familiarize you with the subways so you don’t look like an ass-tourist. The east coast is pretty much our version of hickville, except…different, I dunno. Talea might have some good examples, but my brain is dead at the moment. And Josh? I hate your weather. And by hate, I mean covet. Bastard. 😛

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