40 Secrets About Yourself
Be HONEST no matter what!
1.What’s your natural hair color?
Brown. Oooh, we’re off to a hectic start with these soul piercing secrets aren’t we?
2. where was your default pic taken?
In my brothers car port on Halloween night. We actually just screwed around in the car port all night cutting up plywood to floor the attic. We were about drunk as hell. Some of the parents just skipped our house entirely. Here’s me brushing my teeth after we ate all the candy that the kids didn’t get.
3. What’s your middle name?
Lorne. Pronounced like thorn. As in Lorne Michaels from SNL. NOT Lauren. It’s a guys name dammit. And I just so happen to be the fourth first born male on my fathers side to have that middle name. (I hate it, can you tell?)
4. Your current relationship status?
Me and the woman from Halloween are no longer together. So single. I’m getting kind of sick of being single. Do men have biological clocks?
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
I don’t really have a real life crush right now, just e-crushes. All the good women I hang out with are taken. I do fantasize about some of them though. Usually I just miss my ex. (The good one, not the last one. See question 10)
6. What is your current mood?
Just think pissed, then add tired and lonely and stressed out and you should have a good idea of what sort of day I’m having.
7.What color underwear are you wearing?
Black boxer briefs. Wanna see my package? It looks good in these.
8.What makes you happy?
You know after sex, when you are drifting off to sleep, and someone is curled up next to you, with their nose in your ear, and they sigh and make that mmmmmm sound. That’s what makes me the happiest. That and fighting. Fighting makes me pretty happy. Oh yeah, and beer.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
I would have gotten control of my alcoholism before I destroyed the relationship I had with the bank manager. I still think about that every single day. Probably the biggest regret of my life. But she’s probably happier with someone else anyway. I wasn’t normal enough to make her happy even when I was sober.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
I’d be a house cat. They get to eat and sleep all day. I could really use a day of sleep.
12. Ever had a near death experience?
Yes. Several. I was in a pretty wicked truck wreck once. It rolled over three times and everyone except me left on a stretcher. I was just sore and cut up a little bit. I could have very easy died though. I was lucky.
13. Something you do a lot?
Uh, work. Whack off. Curse. Smoke. Listen to rock and roll. All the good stuff.
14. What’s the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Cherokee Nation by Paul Revere and the Raiders. This video plays the kick ass song with photos from Cherokee North Carolina, a kick ass reservation in the smoky mountains on the west side of my kick ass state. I went there as a kid. I enjoyed it. Very much a tourist trap town. I didn’t go to the casinos, I was too young.
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
6. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
(I had to look this up) Buffy the Vampire Slayer, aka Sarah Michele Gellar. The brother from Everybody Loves Raymond, Brad Garrett. Ritchie Blackmore, the guitarist for Deep Purple. \m/> <\m/ Also less cool, Pete Rose and Loretta Lynn.
17. When was the last time you cried?
I’m a man and I’m tougher than robot leather. My tear ducts just pump testosterone and nitroglycerine.
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Yes, but not well.
19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
This has been a topic of debate with my brother and I for a long time. I think the coolest and most useful power would be the ability to morph my body into any shape I wanted. He thinks the best would be controlling gravity. He’s dumb and I’m right.
20. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Really, that often depends on what they’re wearing. Not their eye color usually. More like an overall impression of their face. But sometimes they have an exceptional ass or boobies or both, and then those catch my eye and I get distracted from everything else. Sorry, I’m a hetero male. But the face is the most important. I’m not that picky about bodies, but I know right away whether I’m attracted to a face or I think it’s ugly.
21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Nothing, Starbucks sucks ass.
22. What’s your biggest secret?
No way. No fucking way. I’ve got entire cemeteries in my closet.
23. What’s your favorite colour?
24. When was the last time you lied?
I don’t know. I think it’s been a while.
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Yes. Spongebob is cool when you’re baked. There’s more, I just don’t remember right now.
27. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing. I had a brownie with icing earlier though.
28. Do you speak any other language?
Yo hablo pequito espanol putas. Chupa lo.
29. What’s your favourite smell?
Grilling meat. But sawdust is pretty good too. And that smell that your hands make when you tighten a drill bit and it spins real fast in your hand and almost burns you. And what the hell, why be original, female is pretty nice too. Although I really probably just enjoy being in situations where I’m close enough to distinctly smell female scent.
30. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
31. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
Earlier at dinner. I went to some friends house to eat wings and pizza.
32. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
Negative, not yet. Other kissing related activities I’ve never done include: kiss on valentines day, kiss on anniversary, kiss on stroke of new years, and kiss a complete stranger.
33. What are you thinking about right now?
I’m thinking this survey is pretty focused on relationships when it could be focused on something less depressing.
34. What should you be doing?
Smoking up and going to sleep.
35. What was the last thing that made you upset?
Question 32 didn’t really put me in a great mood.
36. How often do you pray?
Me and god don’t talk. We have an understanding.
37. Do you like working in the yard?
Sometimes. I do enjoy physical work a lot, but mowing sucks. Gardening is kind of fun. Grilling often happens in the yard, does that count?
38. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Fightmaster, Longfellow, Badass, Butcher, Tank, Prime, Armstrong, pretty much any kick ass manly name. But I like my real name.
39. Name 5 things in your closet.
Five things in the closet besides Ryan Seacrest? Right now the only thing in my closet is some blankets, clothing, and the screen from my window which I removed so I could smoke out on the roof.
40. Do you act different around your crush?
No, I always flirt with everyone. It’s my way of pretending like I’m not intimidated by hot women. Cause honestly, y’all are kind of scary. So I put on my game face and dork-flirt my way through life.