Love & Hugs & Kisses All Over

I’ve been trying to think of a good way to segue into my real topic here, and apparently when it comes to matters of significance I get writers block. I’ve thought and thought about how to say it in some cute, romantic, snarky, comical way, but I’ve come up with absolutely nothing. So like I always do when I can’t disguise my real feelings with a smoke cover of juvenile comedy and filler adjectives, I’ll just cut the bull shit and tell y’all what’s really going down in my life. I’ve fell in love.

Take a minute to think about how just a few wrong words can change the meaning of what I just said. I fell in love. I fell in love with a woman. I fell in love with a woman from another country. I fell in love with a woman from another country, that I’ve never even touched. (with my wang) See how quick that goes from romantic, to complicated, to perverted. When you limit your communication to written words you have to be careful to say exactly what you mean, cause it’s easy to read my words how you would say them, and not how I would say them. But it’s hard to misunderstand “I fell in love” when I cut out all the superlatives, cut out any catch, cut out any bull shit. The fact is that I fell in love, so come with me on my little journey through how this miracle came to be.

Y’all know the story of how I got here in the blogging world by now, at least the readers who’ve been with me for a while. If you haven’t, I’ll sum it up right now. My friends showed me Ask A Ninja, which linked me to YouTube, which got me interested in the internet for the first time. I then started my own YouTube channel. Then my friend Steph (can’t find your link Steph, hit me up and I’ll edit it in) showed me a post by Sundry, which somehow through a family and parenting content based blog got me interested in creative writing, which I’ve always loved. Then after a year or two of reading her blog, I decided to try my own luck at it.

So then through a series of links, which to this day I still can not retrace, I ended up at The Queen’s blog, which linked me to Talea’s blog, thanks to her hilarious title, and from there I linked over to Emerald’s blog. Now I realize this was a complicated route, but at this point I suddenly stopped and took notice. On October 23’rd I read her blog for the first time, and I was struck with this incredible attraction to her personality and the way she expressed herself through her words. This girl was obviously something I would have to check out a second time.

Here is Em in all her buxom beauty:

teh sexorz, fo rizzle and whatnot honky

Here is an exact transcript of the first sentence I ever said to her: “Despite my general distaste for the Indie scene in general, I loved your account of the evening. I wish I could get this post drunk and seduce it into a one night stand that ends awkwardly but still leaves both parties gratified.” Clearly, I was on my way to seducing her, by insulting her taste in music, and forcing myself on her post. (a gratifying sort of force mind you) I followed up this comment with these quite romantic words, if I may say so myself: “And take pride in how many people you pissed off. They were probably the bald deuche bags that blocked traffic with their charitable buggery. And forget about the grammar. Grammar is for class work and science articles. This is teh facking interweb noobs. Mother fuckers don’t have to grammarize shit if they don’t feel like it!” Wow, I can see the cornerstones of a solid relationship falling into place even as we speak. What sort of pillow talk should I woo her with now that I tried to date rape her post and cussed in four fake languages? “I like chicks with balls. (not actual balls mind you, the metaphorical sort of balls that don’t clutter up the paradice city that is the ball-less vagina)” Sometimes I amaze even myself. If you are a woman, or a homo man, please try and abstain from telling me how incredibly hawt I am right now, cause I know, and redundancy is repetitive and shit, I don’t need that. I’ll gladly accept money, or a child named after me. Shrines work too. (photo evidence needed)

But anywho, I started some discreet messaging between Emerald and myself, or possibly she started it. I can’t remember now. But I got a Facebook account to talk to her, and the other lovely Toronto vixens of course, but mostly her. At the time, both of us were in no way looking for a relationship. In fact, at that point I don’t think I had even seen a picture of her beside those ugly ass Halloween pics she posted, with the whole botched abortion costume. (gross, check them out) So I came to be friends with her, after getting out of a very disappointing relationship, feeling like shit, while she was still in some rather complicated relationship activities of her own. And we just talked like friends, sharing what we had been through, and what we were going through. Slowly but surely this grew into an undeniable attraction and bond between the two of us.

We began sending not only comments, but also long letters back and forth every day. This turned into two long letters every day. And then she convinced me to get on her IM network, and we began chatting some in the evenings. And then it turned into one long ass (as in has to be split into two letters to send) letter every day, and I would come home during lunch to talk to her for half an hour, and then rush home afterwards to talk to her for another half an hour before she got off work. (no internet at home, just yet, soon darlin) Then it bacame the letter, the lunch chats, and links, and several hours in the evening, with her staying after work just to chat with little old me. And we talked like people.

We skipped that first awkward few months of dating, because we had no time or use for any of it. There was no weird dress codes or date locations or activities. We just talked like people. Like peers. There was no awkward first kiss. There was no awkward first sex. There was no awkward feeling out of the other person on every level. We just talked like humans. We were irresistibly attracted to each other and we both knew it and neither of us really was going to say it. Because as you may know, or may even be thinking right now, internet relationships aren’t as real as face to face relationships. Well I’m here to tell you they CAN be much more authentic and heart felt. I never had any reason to try and pretty up my looks for her, she accepted me just as she found me. I never had to dull myself down one bit, cause she jived well with the things I poured out of my heart, just for her. I shared things I’ve never shared with anyone else. And likewise, she opened up to me. And we both loved what we saw.

Now let me just say right now that we are not completely compatible. There are things in our lives that are in total opposition. Our views on politics are dangerously opposite. But we recognize that and try to allow each other the freedom of will to choose whatever we like, without letting it cause arguments. She swings left, I swing right, and as far as I see it, though I can’t speak for her, I think we’ve both influenced the others views a little bit by explaining why we believe what we do. We come from different countries, from different cultures, her from the city, me from the country. She’s a Canuck, I’m a rebel flag waving, Dixie Land red neck. But we get along not agreeing on these things. She’s a vegetarian, I worship meat. But she respects my love for the tastiest food on earth, and likewise, I respect her choice not to eat meat or harm any creature. I expect her to respect my free will and not (try to, as if anyone could break my stubborn streak) force me to conform to her standards and beliefs. I’m not her puppet or pet. And likewise, she expects me to respect her choices, her beliefs, and her views on life, and I do my very best to do just that. We love each other for who we are, and not for who we want the other person to be.

And not only do we respect each others differences, we celebrate them. She has this zest for life that is hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it. We just yesterday had this conversation about living. Not living as in existence, but living as in to the god damned fullest with every breath you have left and every fiber in your being. She told me that she doesn’t want to live with me, she want to LIVE with me. And I just about jumped for joy, because I had never told her this, but I feel the exact same way. I don’t want to grow boring with someone, I want to live the greatest adventure in history with someone. I want a woman who will constantly challenge my thinking, my behavior, my intellect. I want a challenge, and she does too. I don’t want to sit down and watch Everybody Loves Raymond for the rest of my life, I want to go jump out of a fucking airplane while having premarital sex in the sky and playing the lottery and starting my own business, and possibly before I hit the ground, I’d like to learn to knife fight bears. I want a partnership where we accept the differences we have, but never accept anything less than the most the other person has to offer. Maybe we’re naive, but I’m lovin’ it like McDonald’s never dreamed of. And I’m having it my way like BK never though possible. (not to imply that anyone working at BK is capable of thought, of course not)

But in all the important ways (because face it, politics and what kind of food you eat are not that important, so fuck that shit) we are a perfect match. We believe very similar things about spirituality, and the meaning of life, and major religions. We believe similar things on society, and culture, and status, and all the things that go along with human interaction. We believe similar things on having fun, and being yourself, and our future together. We both have this vision of what our tomorrow holds. We both see us visiting each other, and us figuring out a way to make our lives work together. I love this girl so fucking much, it makes me dizzy.

Before I finally worked up the balls to tell her I loved her, I was hardly sleeping. I was a total wreck. I was afraid she would do like the other women in my life, and leave me unexpectedly, and my heart would be broken. So I wrote this long ass, super poetic, retardedly romantic letter to her letting her know how I felt, and then promptly forgot to send it, and my sister in law closed the window. So I just fessed up like a real man and told her straight up how I felt about her. It was scary. It was almost the death of me, But it was also the moment I learned she loved me too, and as much as I wish I could have maybe said it a bit more eloquently, it just got blurted out in frustration and stress, and then a huge wave of joy and relief passed through both of us. We knew, this was not just some internet crush, like in my post. This was something we are both working towards every day.

She knows all about my legal problems. Much more than I’m willing to share with you, my kick ass blog readers. I love you guys too, but not the same. She knows all about my alcoholism. She knows all about my bad skin, and my low income, and that I will probably be locked up very soon. (tuesday maybe) She knows things that no other person had ever known about me. Sometimes she even knows things about me that I haven’t shared with her, or am even cognizant of. And likewise, I know her burdens. the fact that she is willing to look past these HUGE disqualifiers is heart wrenching for me. I am so in love with this woman, after all this time, that I’m actively looking into immigrating to canada and finding a job there, and hopefully making a new life for us as a family there. I am more than willing to leave my close knit family, my awesome friends, and everything I’ve ever known, even my country to just have a shot at making things work with this woman. She’s not my girl, she’s my woman, and there’s a difference, cause this isn’t fucking puppy love, this is the only time in my life I have ever been so happy, and the only time I’ve ever taken big risks to secure my future.

We have never met in real life. I have never held her. I have never kissed her. I’ve never smelled her. I’ve never got a look at her poon tang. This isn’t about sex. It isn’t even about looks, since we started talking before we even saw each other. This is about me and another soul falling deeply in love, and not giving a fuck about popular opinion. Speaking of which, it’s your turn to make this subject yours. I want to know what you feel about internet relationships and their validity. Don’t worry about insulting either of us, we’re absolutely cool with your views. Whether you think it’s good or bad or fucking retarded, tell us what you think. I’ve heard both sides a lot. My brother Nate is tired of hearing me talk about this girl all the time, even though I’ve never met her. My sister in law is already as in love with her as I am, possibly about to steal her. My work friends think I’m an idiot, since my last relationship was long distance, and I got burned on that one. I’ve had people tell me “if you haven’t done the dirty, she isn’t really your girl!” Not true, and we will, as soon as I get out of jail, ad save up some money to go visit. For now, there’s no chance. And on the other side, I have my two best friends Kenny and Rachel, who met online and are now happily married. And I waited a long fucking time to see Kenny meet a girl who was right for him, and I couldn’t be happier with his decision. So I have both the good and bad represented in my personal life. Now that the secret is out, and y’all know Em is my woman, let me know honestly how you feel about it.

I love you so much baby, and you mean the world to me. Just to make everyone gag a little bit more, love and hugs and kisses all over! ❤


36 responses to “Love & Hugs & Kisses All Over

  1. abhishekkumartiwari

    got ur point man..i believe in ur shit..
    and writing with this deep emotion….really makes ur feeling unfold

  2. Isn’t the internet amazing? I am SO happy for you two. I was sort of jumping for glee with that last paragraph because my VERY dear friend met her husband of 8 years in an on-line chat room, she dropped her life in Gulfport, MS to move to Seattle to take a stab at a new life with her ‘now’ husband. They have 2 of the most beautiful children together and work hard at their relationship every day. They were meant to be together….period. They have had ups and downs, but what relationship hasn’t, keeps it interesting. When she first told me of their budding relationship she explained to me that hashing the beginning out on-line and phone cut through all the bullshit, she never felt she had to primp, she said it always felt real and solid. And since I know she doesn’t read your blog I will tell you that they immediately clicked in the sack and still click even after 2 kids. So modern age romances can and do work, move your ass up there.

  3. HAHAHHAHAHAHA I FUCKEN KNEW IT!!!! MAN im the shizzle!!!

    awww…… you just made me all warm and mushy and a wee bit teary…. im glad you’ve found someone that makes you happy.

    im all for the internet relationship shit as long as you know they’re real you know and not some 80 yr old man which clearly em isnt lol. this other blog i read vally girl she met her man on craigslist? no idea what that is but rock on! so you guys get the thumbs up from me. man imagine your kids! aww they’d be adorable.. until they open their mouths lol

    good luck hun 🙂 i hope ya dont get locked up on tuesday too..
    oh one downside to moving to canda is your gonna hafta learn metric… uh oh…

  4. abhishekkumartiwari, or Mr Tonguetwister, as I shall dub thee: Thanks man.

    Ashley: I’ve heard so many of these success stories about online relationships since I started my own. I never realized how many people have been affected through this.Thanks for the story. And I KNOW we’ll click in the sack. When we finally meet we’ll try not to wake up China, but we can’t be held responsible for any minor earth quakes and/or damage to the greater Toronto area.

    The Queen: Yep, you guessed it. You get the guessing my mystery woman no-prize of respect and satisfaction. You know I just heard a story the other day from a blogger I know, who had a short thing with another blogger I know, but when then met in person, they turned out to be this old married lame guy who had just made up this whole persona online, and kept it going for waaaaaaay too long. But there’s no way you could fake an Emerald, she’s one of a kind. And I look forward to learning the metric system. It’s easier, smarter, simpler, and all around better. Our system is fucking retarded.

  5. Okay, I’m going to label myself as the silent third wheel in this whole thing. As Emerald’s best friend, I have watched this entire thing unfold (literally, I’m often right beside her while she’s composing a note….btw, if she hasn’t told you that yet, nothing is sacred between us, though shockingly once or twice, she has informed me I’m not allowed to look at the screen, which leads me to believe you’ve really gotten to her dude).
    I knew about this thing way before the rest of the internet, and honestly Josh, I was skeptical. Like you, I’m very right wing and truth be told, I held the conviction against you (only the teeniest bit) and held some apprehension towards the whole thing.
    But then I saw her staying late as I’d bolt out of the office, while she ignored me (grrr), laughing at her computer screen and I let go of the issues I had.

    The boyfriend and I met online. And as I’ve told Emerald, watching you two is like reliving my past. I think that online relationships are more solid than real-life ones. You don’t have to do that stupid shit about wearing the right perfume or making sure you don’t have toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Fuck that. Get to the point…..who is this person? And only the internet allows you to do that.

    I DID give up my life for him. I moved across the country (essentially the same thing, Sask is sort of like the south of Canada) into a huge, bustling scary-ass city called Toronto. I knew NOBODY. And truth be told, it ALLLLLLLL fucking sucked, except for him. I won’t make this novel any longer than it already is, but to sum it up…….I met him 9 years ago, met him face to face 8 years ago and our relationship gets better every single fucking day. Because of the intense connection I forged with him beyond all that superficial shit. It’s amazing and I can’t even remember what it was like to only know him as letters on a screen (this was pre-digital camera days, remember).

    I can only hope that you and Em continue copying my trail that I blazed for you two. Ahem. Cuz it’s all about me. And don’t you forget it mister, cuz a girl’s best friend had better fucking approve of the guy! But I do. And I can’t wait to meet you either.

  6. Ok, so I’ve never commented on your blog before, but you know I’m in Em’s inner circle so I really feel the need to comment.

    First of all, I sincerely hope you do not have to go ‘away’ on Tuesday.

    I am behind this, I honestly am. My husband and I are computer geeks and even though our story is that cheesy ‘met in high school and got married a year after grad’, most of our friends found their husband/wife online and all is well. You probably know by this point that I am pretty conservative, so I don’t *at all* believe ‘if you haven’t done the dirty, she isn’t really your girl!’ How often does rushing into sex totally ruin a relationship? Let me think, oh yeah, pretty much all the time. 😛

    You make Em happy, you make her glow – no shit. There are other things I feel like blabbing about in what a positive effect I think you’ve had on her life, but it’s all private stuff I don’t want to post here.

    I am a Toronto snob to the core and promise to help you guys settle with whatever connections I can send your way to help you make this work up here. As far as I can tell your biggest challenge is just going to be getting used to calling Toronto your home, and with the kind of support in your corner up here, you’re going to be just fine.

    Welcome to the family, Josh. 😀

  7. Talea: Yes, you most certainly have been the silent third wheel. I think it’s really cool that Em has a best friend as cool as you. I know nothing I send her is sacred between the two of you, and I like that she has that kind of relationship with you, so she can have a trusted friend to talk to about all this. I’ve got nothing to hide, just beware of nauseatingly mushy love talk and occasionally some textual foreplay. I didn’t realize that you had moved from the Sask to be with your man, and that’s frankly another eerie similarity between our two relationships. Seriously, your story, and many others like yours have been a huge inspiration for me, and have certainly helped reassure me that I can make this work, and it’s not just a pipe dream. When it all boils down, I guess online relationships face all the same trepidation and obstacles, just in a slightly new format. Thanks for accepting this whole thing, because I am well aware of the importance of the best-friend-approval. I really appreciate it Talea.

    May: Thank you so much sweetie, and we’ll just have to wait and see about Tuesday. I’ll spin the wheel of justice and see where it lands. I am ready to go away for a while so I can finally get started on building my future. There’s so much I can’t do until this is past me, so it will all work out. But thank you. And again with affirmations of the internet being an ok place to start relationships. there’s still such a stigma around it, but I think it’s starting to clear away. I really had no idea how many people had met their significant other online until I started asking about it. It amazes me. And I think eliminating the sex factor is the best part of online dating. It sounds pretty evil towards my wiener to say that, but sex has ruined MANY of my relationships in the past, and I think people really should just take it slow and get to know each other without all the baggage that comes with sleeping together. Plus, by the time she finds out I’m terrible in bed, it’ll be too late! Mwahahahaha! Just kidding, I rock. 😉

    I am soooo looking forward to getting to meet you, and of course Talea, and some of Em’s other good friends. Even the rabbits. Maybe we can cook together, cause clearly you are much better than me in the kitchen, and I really enjoy learning to cook new things. (ie: leech talent from more successful people!) Make sure Em lets you get a taste of that bbq sauce I sent her, cause I want to know what you think about it. NC baby! Woot woot! And I think the support that is in place on both sides of this is going to be extemely helpful and appreciated. It’s a huge thing to completely uproot your life for love, and it won’t be easy, but I know we can make it. I’m so excited. And that glow Em has is just from sitting too close to the computer when she talks to me for too long. 🙂

  8. Love is love, no matter where or how you find it.


  9. *tears up!* I can’t say too much right now cause I’ve got a seven year old tugging at my sleeve to get his computer back (yes, I sunk low enough to read this over the weekend once Talea and May BOTH called me up to ask if I had read it yet to go to May’s house and kick her son off his WOW game to get my Josh-fix) but I LOOOVVVE YOOOUUUU!!!!!! So much! Honestly, this was the sweetest post ever and I could never have said it as well myself, but it means the absolute fucking world to me. I love you I love you I love you!

    (ok, gotta go, love you talk to you monday bye!!!)

  10. First of all, Em’s comment is so sweet it’s making me sit here and giggle…

    Secondly, I had to return to this post to leave a comment, because the first time I read it, it brought on the “girly waterworks” (that’s right bitches, Josh’s post made “tough-as-nails-single-bitch-Romi” cry…LOL)

    So listen, I almost can’t believe what I’m reading, because it’s not a movie, i.e. it’s not big-headed Tom Hanks and “so cute she’s obnoxious” Meg Ryan, but it’s real, wonderful people that I’m getting to know and love!!! 🙂

    I have to say, after meeting Em a few weeks ago, and

    A: realizing that she’s even MORE amazing in person vs. blog
    B: realizing she was over the moon for you
    C: knowing YOU were over the moon for HER
    D: knowing how wicked you are from our email-exchanges,

    I just KNEW something awesome was on the brink, and this post is truly the ogasmic-eruption of online-love (speaking of which, will someone hand me a tissue??? LMAO….)

    Anyhoo, after hearing about how Talea and her B/F got together and meeting them both, and after seeing this story unfold, and after reading about all the other successful stories in these comments, I am truly awestruck by the positive impact of the Internet. I mean there’s a good and bad side to everything, but all too often the Internet gets hit with the violating/identity-thieving/child-pornographic rap, but what about the wonder of the Internet, in terms of bringing people together? Seriously, I’m ENTIRELY positive that the Internet was birthed from the vagina of the love-goddess Venus (or Aphrodite, depending on which type of mythology you prefer 😉 )

    And by the way, as a single gal of “escalating 20’s” who’s slowly losing faith in “love within geographic promixity”, the Internet stands as an open door to extended hope, whereas if this was the 1800’s, I might have given up by now (or been accused of witch-craft and burned at the stake, who knows…)

    Of course, things may work out for me in the race for love and they may NOT, but it’s always good to have hope, and your story has really helped in that department.

    Congrats you love birds, and I can’t wait to see you both in all your lovey-dove glory 🙂

  11. Yeah i rock lol
    awwwww… this is just so cute!! aww you two!! nah there is no way you could fake an emerald shes definitely one of a kind!
    yup metric is smarter.
    good luck you two you guys deserve to find true love and it gives the rest of us singles hope!!!

    did u see em’s comment? gosh shes so sweet..

  12. Victoria (Beckham?): Yes, love has certainly defied all the normal barriers here.

    Emerald: I wouldn’t care if the entire world told me I was retarded for wanting this, I wouldn’t care if every kid on earth had to get kicked off their games, (no offense May) I wrote this just for you. I love you so much darlin, and I hope you get to cryin’ every time we talk. I just want you to be so happy it’s hard to get out of bed without tearing up. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

    Romi: Sometimes it honestly feels like a movie. There are things going on with us that just feel surreal at times. It’s almost like watching a happy ending (not the porn kind) happen to someone else in my body. And even little old Billy Fucking Badass himself (me, in case any of you were confused about who on this blog was badass) has shed some tears over this issue. Things like that Talea and May called her to let her know the post was up. Besides my obvious blind love for Em, I want her friends to like me to, because if they don’t, they have the power to sabotage this realtionship from across the globe, and I couldn’t do a damned thing. So to not only have her friends leave touching comments, but also call her to let her know I came out of the closet, in a matter of speaking, well that kind of thing just tugs on my heart strings.

    Like Talea, I think you were the other other third wheel in this whole thing. I’m only just now letting some of my close friends know about this, cause I’m a guy, and I don’t talk about stuff like this. But you have been my go-to friend in this whole thing, and I really appreciate it. I’ve needed someone to vent my emotions towards, and a feminine perspective to help ballance me out, so I am not joking at all when I say thank you very much for being there for me. I know you have things of your own that you are living, so taking the time to converse and share with me on this has been a huge gift. I’d totally repay you with my one good skill (magical love making) if it weren’t for me being in love with someone else. Also having a tiny dick, bad skin, honky tendencies, and gingivitis. Whatever. (btw, Aphrodite, cause I liked Xena, and her super hawt lesbian lady friend Gabrielle)

    Sometimes people meet their love next door, sometimes in the next state, and sometimes in another country. Emerald told me a really insightful little tidbit that she may have even borrowed from Talea, but I don’t know. She said that the internet has made the world smaller, and everyones individual world much larger. One hundred years ago you probably would have had to marry some boy in your village, that you didn’t even get to pick. But now you could fall in love with any man anywhere on the planet. You may be pushing the big three oh, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t still incredibly attractive and love worthy, and it doesn’t mean you are nearing any sort of societal expiration date for being a hottie. If anyone in this world has my full support and respect when it comes to romance, it would be you, cause like myself and Em, you are one of a kind. You stand out and shine in a sea of boring, superficial bitches. You WILL be the catch of a lifetime for some man, you just have to be patient and find the right one. I love you like a sister Romi, and I have huge faith that in good time, all things love will work out for you. Keep hope alive sweetie pie.

    The Queen: Yes, I just Sunday night saw Em’s comment. She makes me blush. I love that sweet little lady. Anywho, since you were the one who guessed who my secret love was, I was wondering if you would share with the group just how you came to figure it out. I mean, was it just a guess? Was it that obvious? Was it feminine intuition or psychic powers or what? How did you know?

  13. You wanted opinions, yes?
    Love over the internet does happen. It happens to good people. And it does last. I havent’ found love, myself .. Im married, but I’ve seen it. And I’ve seen it work.
    I think it’s abso-fucking-lutely wonderful about the 2 of yall .. and with her being a Canadian, I would LOVE to see her down in the South. Even just to visit…
    And yes, I knew it was Auntie Em, too. A guess, perhaps. It’s the way you guys speak to each other .. I knew it.

  14. hahahaa! I just read what I wrote ..
    I havent’ found love, myself … Im married.

    I havent/didn’t find it on the internet, is what I meant.

  15. *does a curtsey*

    LOL well josh i am the Queen after all i know all!! um… i had sort of been thinkin you two would be good together and then there was you two face booking and your comments and also the fact that SHE was a e-crush AND I WASNT.. (im still a bit miffed bout that) im kinda good at picking up on ppls emotions as (this is slightly embarrassing) my first boyfriend was a guy i met on the internet… *blushes* . so we did the whole email thing and the hand written letter thing (still in a box under my bed) and all that stuff so anyway i can tell when it goes from random friendly comments to friendly wanting love comments.

    so you seee… im extremely intelligent…
    its good that you have talea, may and romi on your side too…

    so ta da! that is how i did it….

    OMG do you remember (im changing the subject here) agggges ago i said i thought i saw you in PERSON! well do you know who it was??? it was my friends cousins fiance!! no shit he could be you! except that hes real quiet lol

    well i think that sums it up..
    gosh darn it you two are one cute lovin’ couple!!

  16. Red: Oh my good lord you crack me up. And thank you for clearing up the whole loveless marriage thing, I just assumed you were being sarcastic. She will eventually come down here for a visit or two, I’m not packing up my shit just yet, so you can have that to look forward to. And good job on the guess.

    The Queen: Damn, everyone has an e-love story. I seriously did not realize this was going on until recently. In retrospect the whole e-harmony commercials and all that shit should have been a clue, but usually I’m pretty clueless on this sort of thing.As for me looking like your friends cousins fiance, I get that a lot. Apparently I have a million twins, cause everywhere I go people are asking me if we’ve met before or telling me I look JUST like their old buddy from high school or some shit. I suppose I’m average looking, sigh.

  17. *does giddy interpretive dance involving spirit fingers* Squeeeee! I love you I love you I love you!!! Thank you everyone for being so lovey and squishy and all that jazz, it means so much! Of course, anyone with the nerve to be negative would get their virtual ass kicked. Just because I’m in love doesn’t mean I’m not a tough chick 😛 Shitfuckdamn, it’s only 9:30 and I’m already like “grrr, when’s lunch time!” cause I miss you so much over the weekends!


    *continues interpretive dance*

  18. I feel like I’m late to the party but I just gotta throw in my 2 cents. Ready? Here goes! YAY!!!!!!! I know I don’t know either of you really but I’m so fucking happy for you both right now I could bust! Internet relationships DO work, I’ve seen first hand in my best friend and her husband who met online and are seriously perfect for each other and had it not been for the internet, they would have never met. Like you and Emerald, they have many differences but with love and respect, they make it work beautifully! So here’s to you and Em making it work beautifully! Yay!!!! …. And like Romi… totally cried… awwwwwwwwwwww

  19. stephanie brown

    I could not be one ounce happier for you!!!!! You SO deserve to be happy and to have found the love of a lifetime. 🙂 It just makes me smile 🙂
    I swear, this spring is full of the love bug, we’ve all been bit!
    btw, not that anyone without a livejournal can read my “blog” but my link is:

  20. Wow…How come you didn’t mention any of this during conversation this weekend?…I mean we talked about this in general, but after reading this long-winded blog, there’s way more than you let on. Anyway, here’s my two-cents…Congrats, good luck and bye…Can I have some of your shit when you’re gone? Just kidding…At least get her here for a visit before you go…so we can meet exactly who’s taking you away from us.

  21. Hah! I definitely want to meet you Johnny, and all of Josh’s friends! And definitely come back all the time because I’m kind of infatuated with this whole ‘county fair’ idea and all this crazy delicious food I’ve never heard of. I’ll take good care of him, don’t worry. I’ll even let him do stupid shit like climp streetlights and stuff, since we’ve got free doctors and stuff up here, hehe! Sweeeeeet.

  22. i reckon for like your first couple holiday you should come alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way over to new zealand and meet me! because im awesome and you guys are awesome and then you should also bring romi and talea over too.

    that way its fair you see? and take photo’s of emerald when shes in your town josh that’d be cute too see!!!

  23. Em: We’re all aware you are kick ass. Like a love ninja perhaps. I doubt many would be bold enough to take you one. And again with the county fair thing. We don’t have a county fair I don’t think. We have the state fair for all of NC right here in Raleigh at the fair grounds. It’s much bigger than a county fair would be. But you’ll get a good taste of the country when you come down. You might love it here, who knows.

    Allie: I am loving all these success stories. Thanks for sharing. I think often times the idfferences are what make a relationship fun. The other person is an unpredictable mystery. It’s always fresh and exciting. I’m pretty siked out, if you didn’t notice. 😉 And yay for lady tears! Mission accomplished!

    Steph: The love bug! Hah! I never thought I would be “that guy” running around telling stories about how much I’m in love and making single people gag and punch babies. But I’m getting a kick out of it. Thanks sweetie, I’ll go edit your link in later.

    Angry Johnny Boulders: Well, I was trying to ease everybody into the idea of me falling in love with a girl online. I don’t always talk about this kind of stuff. I mean how often do you chat about relationship stuff? I pretty much just keep it to myself. I’m not as bad as Bobby when it comes to that, but I just figured I shouldn’t dump it all on you guys at one time.

    When i end up moving, sure you can have some of my stuff. I figure it’ll be split up between my brothers and Kenny and You. Some stuff I’ll be able to take, but lot will have to stay here. And you’d better believe you guys will get to meet her. She’ll come visit I’m sure. And plus we’ll be back from time to time to hang with the family and everything. I won’t completely disappear. Plus you can come visit us in Toronto and see things like snow and maple syrup festivals or whatever goes on there. It’ll be fun.

    The Queen: We’ll have to wait and see about a trip to New Zealand. I’ve always wanted to visit there, but it’s almsot exactly on the other side of the planet from here, and I’m not exactly what you would call a wealthy man. This move is going to be a big financial undertaking when I attempt it. So it may be a long time before I’m back on my feet. But I think a New Zealand trip would be really fun. I hear your country is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Plus you’re there. And you had better believe I’ll be taking lots and lots of pictures when i get to meet Em. Some of them might even be clean enough to show the internet. 😉

  24. stephanie brown

    I never thought you’d be that guy either, but ya know what? It fits you surprisingly well. And being someone that has known you for approx. 8 years now, I know for sure that this girl has got your heart “hook, line, and sinker” because I’ve never seen you like this. 🙂 It’s absolutely amazing and again, I could not be happier for you 🙂

  25. Yup it is pretty spectacular over here i dont appreciate it enough lol our air is clean and doesnt smell like anything and you can see the sky!! woo..

    and yes it would be cool coz i am here. it is expencive to get here. its expencive to go to the usa too lol its like 5grand (in nz) just for the air fare!!

    yes please make sure the pics of you and em are safe for the internet!! for everyones sake. oh hey thers this movie out called “two nights in paris” hehehehhee…

  26. Aww….Josh, your comment reply is so sweet! I completely echo your sentiments on our friendship; for me the male perspective is oh so very helpful when I’m in crazy-chick mode (LOL)…and gosh, stop it with your making me all misty-eyed again! Your part II to my comment on the whole being a “catch of a lifetime”…awww, you’re frickin’ killin me over here!!!

    PS: likewise, I love you like a brother, ab-so-freakin’-lutely! Can’t wait to meet you, and you’ll start livin’ that happiness 3-D style soon enough, I know it 🙂

  27. The Queen: Let me guess, it’s a sequel. Paris’ first little cinematic endeavor was without a doubt the worst example of sex I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of bad porn. She was so bad in bed, she killed boners she wasn’t even touching. I guess money can’t buy talent, or good looks, or a personality. Although it can buy boobs, you’d think she would know that.

    Romi: Well I’m glad my perspective actually helps SOMEBODY when it’s crazy chick mode time, cause it sure as hell never helps me. Women need an instruction manual. Y’all are crazy sometimes, great, but crazy. I’m just lucky Em is more logical and reasonable when it comes to crazy chick stuff than average girls. Good lord, I’ve had some serious WTF’s happen in my time.

  28. Nah it actually has nothing to do with miss Paris Hilton i just saw it on the movie list and thought it was funny lol I wasnt impressed with her porn video and i havent seen much porn.

    i forgot to ask … its obviously past tuesday now how’d your court stuff go? im assuming you didnt end up in jail? unless your in one kick arse jail that gives you internet.

  29. The Queen: I got another continuance. So I’m free for now, but I still have the two DUI’s hanging over my head for a while longer. I was ready to go to jail and get it over with, but my lawyer is doing his law bending magic, so I’m just going with his advise, since I already paid him $1500.

  30. yay your freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….

    thats very exciting!!!

    fuck me thats a lot of money…
    atleast hes working his magic

  31. I don’t have an opinion internet relationships because I haven’t experienced one.

    I can say I am absolutely astounded by your words. I am new to yours and Em’s blogs so I can’t say I “know” either one of you very well. I can also tell you no one can write something like that and not mean it. Even with your differences, it sounds as though the two of you were made for each other. You are both very lucky to have found someone you can love as deeply as you do. I think it’s wonderful.

    And I’m fucking jealous. 😉

  32. Josh,

    I still come over here and read occasionally. I just wanted to add my two cents that it is totally possible–come June, my husband and I will have been married for 4 years. And yes, we did meet online.

    Long story short–all my friends had gotten married/found someone and I…well, I hadn’t. So I had big plans to move to Vegas for Grad School and decided to join some group site to see if I could make friends/contacts in Vegas before moving there. Lo and behold, I ended up ‘chatting’ with some guy (my now husband) who lived in Virginia of all places (totally opposite direction from where I was heading). We just clicked. I can’t count the number of times that I went to work on 2 hours of sleep because we were up talking all night long. A year and a couple of months later, we were married. Now we also have the boy and are trying to make a sibling happen for the boy.

    Now I will say that it hasn’t always been easy, but I think that’s normal for any relationship, regardless of how you meet. Meeting online and being so far away from each other in the beginning was really nice because it made us really have to talk and get to know each other, rather than all the meaningless crap that tends to get in the way when you’re really there.

    So congrats!!!

  33. Lucky: You’re named Lucky! Come on now! You’re pretty much guaranteed to find love. Or magically delicious cereal. Either way, you’ll be happy.

    Trena: Awesome. I love this. Apparently they need sites for the five or six people left in the world who haven’t met the love of their life online. I’ve had e-love stories coming out of the woodwork since i went public with this. Thanks for the story, it means a lot.

  34. Wow, that’s some wild sh*t in this post, not the meeting itself really but the fact that you came out with it all like you did. It’s fantastic.

    As for internet relationships, I’ve spent a lot of time on-line with various people, getting to know them in such a different way than you get to know people when there are two bodies in the way of the mind meld that occurs with writing. I have no doubt but that it’s a great thing.

    Many times I’ve thought about how there are people on the planet who I would never speak to in person because of their looks or whatever vibe I take from them, yet on-line that all disappears and you meet wonderful people without the extraneous crap. It’s more of a “soul” attraction than an appearance thing.

    Sometimes I think people should have to wear shirts or buttons that describe who they really are, or pictures of them as babies or teenagers before they become middle-aged overweight women or 30 somethings with bad skin & neck tattoos.

    Thanks for sending me the link to one of the most romantic things I’ve ever read. And I love romance:) Now I have to read more to see what’s happened since . . .

    • Pamajama: You’ll find some updates here on my blog, but more over on our shared blog (mostly just hers now that I have no spare time) at There’s a link in my blogroll section I think. As for a quick update since this post, which was written in March and is now sorely out of date, she visited, we got along great. I had legal problems, which are now settled except I have to serve weekend time until April. We’re both saving up money hoping to get her down here by next Christmas, officially living in sin with me. (booyah) A few fights here and there, all settled rather painlessly. She still doesn’t eat meat, I still do. And a spattering of talks about home making and seed sowing and vow taking and what have you. All that good stuff. And we’ve decided that the kitchen will probably be our favorite room, even beating out the bedroom, (I voted bathroom, but she said i was full of shit) cause we have a lot of fun cooking together, and we’re both kind of foodies in our own different ways.

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