Which sucks worse? Furries or Jersey?

Alright so I’ve been out a while and have been too busy to blog. Well I’m back with a vengeance and ready to roll up my sleeves and pound out some hard fucking core blogery for you. Actually, I have nothing important enough to fill a whole post, so instead I’ll just jump around randomly.

fat bottom girls

First of all, apparently I’m the only guy who thinks muffin tops are sexy. I like curves, what can I say. I like my women squishy, and a muffin top is a flashing neon sign that lets everyone know just how squishy a chick is. I like thunder thighs too. And belly buttons, and boobies, and big fat asses. Especially belly buttons. In fact my women tend to get annoyed with me because I constantly poke their bellies and their love handles. I can’t help it, I just like my women fluffy. Tight clothing is hot, chubby chicks are hot, showing skin is hot, what’s not to love? We as a society need to embrace our chubby girls and not encourage them to become skinny bitches. Like we don’t already have enough of those. Has anyone seen Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen recently? Holy crap, eat a sandwich girls. That’s right, one for each of you. You would think with millions of dollars they could afford FOOD.

Skeletors bastard children

Gaaaaaaah! Thay’re hideous! Make it stop! I had such high hopes they would turn out to be incredibly hot twin adults, but instead they wasted away into some sort of Somalian famine victims. I’m sorry, but when did celebrity life in Hollywood turn into Auschwitz? Here’s what we do, we find some brave doctors, and fuse them together into one normal sized woman. House would do it, and he’d make us laugh with his gimpy, stoner antics.

Next topic: why does New Jersey suck so bad? Seriously,what the hell is wrong with people from New Jersey? I work with a yankee from Jersey, and he’s a cocky pain in the ass every day. I work with another guy from New York, and he’s the shit, so it’s not that I hate yankees in general. My biggest problem with Jersey folks is their union attitude. Like you got hired to do just your job, and you should never be expected to do anything else. Bull shit ass hole, you get paid more than anyone else here because of your fucking CDL. You do an easy fucking job compared to us, and you only do that marginally. If you’re sitting around the yard with no deliveries, grab a fucking drill and help fix some shit. “But that’s not what they hired me to do!” Fuck you, you’re getting paid aren’t you? Then whatever we need done is what you got hired to do. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of lazy people in the south, but you just don’t usually find this whole it’s-not-my-responsibility attitude as much as you do with union workers. I can’t stand unions. If you can’t pull your own weight, go the fuck back to Jersey. Damn!

In the spirit of hating New Jersey, check out this site dedicated to New Jersey douchebags. In fact, upon searching the internet, it would seem there are a ton of people who hate Jersey just as much as I do. Why is it New Jersey anyway? There’s no old Jersey. After a brief search I found this site, all about how much driving in Jersey blows chunks. And here’s a fellow who came up with five reasons why Tennessee is better than New Jersey. Way to represent for Dixie land buddy. Apparently, New Jersey is so evil that even their squirrels are toxic. In fact, apparently even other yankees hate New Jersey, as evidenced by this fine gentleman from Manhattan:

I would love to see Gigantic Pennsylvania deal with the Jersey blemish on Americas pimply face, except as a former Pennsylvanian yankee myself, and with dearly loved family members still living in PA, I kind of hate to see Jersey and Delaware taint the state. I think we should just turn Jersey into a huge garbage dump for the rest of the country, and all the people living in Jersey can form one giant trash workers union and sit around telling each other they won’t move that pile of shit cause that’s not what they were hired for. Also, what the fuck is up with their love for donuts? Seriously, put the Dunkin Donuts down and do some sit ups fat ass, cause down here we eat biscuits for breakfast.

I'd rather fuck Hillary

Next topic: furries. What the hell is wrong with furries? Look, I like weird people, I really do, but dressing up like a stuffed animal, and scrogging other people in weirdo mascot outfits is fucking bizarre. And it’s creepy. Not to mention their unnatural love for anime. Dude, I hate anime, it’s the lamest possible thing a full grown person could possibly spend their time on. Not only that, but they are creepy as shit. They combine children’s toys and sex in a way that borders on pedophilia. And while we’re bordering on fucked up sexual preferences, how about bestiality. Say no to furries! Go play tummy sticks somewhere else freaks. And please everyone, remember to get your neighborhood furries spayed or neutered, so we don’t get any more.

possibly the gayest thing ever

Last but not least here’s a baby in a microwave, two dogs fucking, and a Hitler joke.

burn baby burn

16 responses to “Which sucks worse? Furries or Jersey?

  1. You and the muffin tops, seriously!!! I will never wear pants like that, sorry hon. Never in a million years. You can poke and squish all you want, but out on the streets, my clothing fits. You’ll be fascinated with my belly button, however, cause its all squinchied up with the scar. It’s in there though!

    New Jersey needs to be renamed New Jordache. Just take pride in knowing that all those uber tanned nightmares are probably going to choke on their own uncontrollably multiplying cells within twenty years from all the radiation. Gnarly, dude, GNARRRRRRLY.

    And I like that the dog found it’s own puke more appetizing than the other dog. Hahahah!

  2. Dude, Josh there seriously need to be more men out there like you who think chubby chicks are hot. Seriously! Also that dog was both totally awesome and totally gross all at the same time.

  3. Em: Ha! I wouldn’t try and get you to sport a muffin top. And your belly button sounds cool. You’ll have to show me later. As for Jersey, I was kind of exaggerating, kind of. There’s probably lots of great people there, I just haven’t met any. And I hear the southern part of the state is really beautiful. You know, I didn’t even notice that about the dog. Mostly I was just amazed how much barf could fit in a dog stomach. They’re not large creatures, you wouldn’t think they could eat so much.

  4. Allie: Yes, there should be more men like me. I don’t know why there isn’t. I mean, they’re out there, a lot of them are just kind of secretive about it though, because the standard for beauty in our society is retarded, and they don’t want to get picked on I guess. Pussies.

  5. Seriously! I agree with you Josh, they are a bunch of PUSSIES! …. I don’t know why I felt the need to put that in all caps but I did.

  6. Jesus God, Josh. You’re going to have whole flocks of portly stalkers. Where does the line start?

  7. Allie: You capped it to emphasize how gigantic these pussies actually are.

    Linda: Music to my ears! I guess the first stalker could decide where the line starts. And if there’s any dispute over who the first stalker is, it will be settled with mud wrestling.

  8. Is it wrong that I giggled for like a minute straight at the sight of the baby in the microwave??? Hahaha….

    Is it wronger that I watched the humping/puking dog on a loop like 20 times???

    ohhh man…. 🙂

    And I am SO freaked out by those spikey-haired-too-orange-too-groomed New Jersey freaks…I wanna believe they’re not for real…I really wanna believe that…

  9. u aren’t sprinting to hell.
    u’ll probably put hell out of business.

  10. Gotta agree, love them muffin’ tops. Delicious. As for Jersey, I used to live there. Mostly, as with any state, it’s about if your urban or rural- though each state has different characteristics. I lived in the rural part (near Penn, in the north), and it’s pretty different. Our area was felt like a small town that never ended, if that makes sense. Most union workers traveled to the cities to work, so we didn’t deal with them much. It’s not like a southern/midwest attitude, with a concentration on family and what not, nor do you know all your neighbors. But, you do get to know the people you buy from, and you rarely are stacked on top of each other in a bussle. The real assholes are from the coast, especially north. All those industry people, unions and shit. Only way to make a good living there though, since the schools are shit and the bosses are pricks that will get out of payin’ any way they can. Doesn’t work back in the normal world though.

  11. Muffin tops, never heard it called that. lmao

  12. Bring on the muffin tops, do away with the furfags and the Jersey pricks, and the world would be a brighter place. I’m definitely bookmarking this blog.

  13. I live in Jersey and have lived in TN for a couple years. Is it too bold to say that I hate NJ as well? Not for the same reasons as most of the comments on here though. My husband works for a laborers union (construction) and they laid him off,his unemployment ran out, and now were being told that with all the money available in NJ’s pot of greed we can’t get any assistance. Lost the car, about to lose the house and everything else. NJ the richest state? Gimmie a break. By the way, were not those spike-haired overtanned freaks! LOL

  14. Simply put: I think muffin tops are SO hot! I have been trying to collect as many muffin top pix online as I can, and trust me there just aren’t nearly enough of them!!!

  15. Romi: I know you’re a fucked up individual who would laugh at a baby in a microwave. The question is would you laugh at an octobaby in a microwave? (spoiler: I would)

    Aniche: Thank you for another life goal.

    Carvin: I’ve purposely misread your comment to imagine you hanging out with Hobbes all the time, also I read your comment in the voice of Snooki.

    Haha/Ben hur: I care about your comments for real and not in a sarcastic and demeaning way.

    Tara: Bummer, I was laid off too. And I am glad you made it to Tennessee. Good luck to your husband unless he’s someone I would hate. Also if you haven’t figured out, this blog is based more on exaggeration than reality, so I don’t wish death upon people from NJ, only extreme suffering for seven generations.

  16. Brian: keep it in your pants Hoss.

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