Alright so I’ve been out a while and have been too busy to blog. Well I’m back with a vengeance and ready to roll up my sleeves and pound out some hard fucking core blogery for you. Actually, I have nothing important enough to fill a whole post, so instead I’ll just jump around randomly.
First of all, apparently I’m the only guy who thinks muffin tops are sexy. I like curves, what can I say. I like my women squishy, and a muffin top is a flashing neon sign that lets everyone know just how squishy a chick is. I like thunder thighs too. And belly buttons, and boobies, and big fat asses. Especially belly buttons. In fact my women tend to get annoyed with me because I constantly poke their bellies and their love handles. I can’t help it, I just like my women fluffy. Tight clothing is hot, chubby chicks are hot, showing skin is hot, what’s not to love? We as a society need to embrace our chubby girls and not encourage them to become skinny bitches. Like we don’t already have enough of those. Has anyone seen Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen recently? Holy crap, eat a sandwich girls. That’s right, one for each of you. You would think with millions of dollars they could afford FOOD.
Gaaaaaaah! Thay’re hideous! Make it stop! I had such high hopes they would turn out to be incredibly hot twin adults, but instead they wasted away into some sort of Somalian famine victims. I’m sorry, but when did celebrity life in Hollywood turn into Auschwitz? Here’s what we do, we find some brave doctors, and fuse them together into one normal sized woman. House would do it, and he’d make us laugh with his gimpy, stoner antics.
Next topic: why does New Jersey suck so bad? Seriously,what the hell is wrong with people from New Jersey? I work with a yankee from Jersey, and he’s a cocky pain in the ass every day. I work with another guy from New York, and he’s the shit, so it’s not that I hate yankees in general. My biggest problem with Jersey folks is their union attitude. Like you got hired to do just your job, and you should never be expected to do anything else. Bull shit ass hole, you get paid more than anyone else here because of your fucking CDL. You do an easy fucking job compared to us, and you only do that marginally. If you’re sitting around the yard with no deliveries, grab a fucking drill and help fix some shit. “But that’s not what they hired me to do!” Fuck you, you’re getting paid aren’t you? Then whatever we need done is what you got hired to do. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of lazy people in the south, but you just don’t usually find this whole it’s-not-my-responsibility attitude as much as you do with union workers. I can’t stand unions. If you can’t pull your own weight, go the fuck back to Jersey. Damn!
In the spirit of hating New Jersey, check out this site dedicated to New Jersey douchebags. In fact, upon searching the internet, it would seem there are a ton of people who hate Jersey just as much as I do. Why is it New Jersey anyway? There’s no old Jersey. After a brief search I found this site, all about how much driving in Jersey blows chunks. And here’s a fellow who came up with five reasons why Tennessee is better than New Jersey. Way to represent for Dixie land buddy. Apparently, New Jersey is so evil that even their squirrels are toxic. In fact, apparently even other yankees hate New Jersey, as evidenced by this fine gentleman from Manhattan:
I would love to see Gigantic Pennsylvania deal with the Jersey blemish on Americas pimply face, except as a former Pennsylvanian yankee myself, and with dearly loved family members still living in PA, I kind of hate to see Jersey and Delaware taint the state. I think we should just turn Jersey into a huge garbage dump for the rest of the country, and all the people living in Jersey can form one giant trash workers union and sit around telling each other they won’t move that pile of shit cause that’s not what they were hired for. Also, what the fuck is up with their love for donuts? Seriously, put the Dunkin Donuts down and do some sit ups fat ass, cause down here we eat biscuits for breakfast.
Next topic: furries. What the hell is wrong with furries? Look, I like weird people, I really do, but dressing up like a stuffed animal, and scrogging other people in weirdo mascot outfits is fucking bizarre. And it’s creepy. Not to mention their unnatural love for anime. Dude, I hate anime, it’s the lamest possible thing a full grown person could possibly spend their time on. Not only that, but they are creepy as shit. They combine children’s toys and sex in a way that borders on pedophilia. And while we’re bordering on fucked up sexual preferences, how about bestiality. Say no to furries! Go play tummy sticks somewhere else freaks. And please everyone, remember to get your neighborhood furries spayed or neutered, so we don’t get any more.
Last but not least here’s a baby in a microwave, two dogs fucking, and a Hitler joke.