Due to a combination of lacking in sleep, spending all my last week with my visiting relatives, (most of whom aren’t that bad, or are actually awesome) and working all day in the turn-that-sun-down heat, I have absolutely no creative energy. Plus, I don’t really have much time for blogging lately, especially now, seeing as I already have six hours till I’m supposed to be getting out of bed to continue supporting my cocaine and hooker addictions with my so called job. (which I actually like, but not as much as I like bitching about it) So instead of anything requiring thought, or effort, here’s a meme I found whilst browsing through Praying to Darwin. Go check out Ginny’s blog there, she seems pretty cool, and hopefully is praying that Darwin will evolve me giant bat wings and a bigger wiener.
Basically you answer 12 questions, type the answers into Flickr, and pick your favorite result on the first page of your query, then use those pictures to make a mosaic. It’s easy and quick, all you need is internet access, which clearly you already have, and windows paint, or whatever they use to do simple copy and pasting crap on a Mac. (probably named something retarded and unrelated to what it does, and filled with counter-intuitive buttons and shit, cause that’s how apple rolls) (no offense to you Apple whores) Then you have the internet’s portrait of what you look like as a twelve question Flickr search, that is to say, not really what you look likeat all, but possibly interesting anyway. The twelve questions are as follows:
What is your first name?
What is your favorite food?
What high school did you attend?
What is your favorite color?
Who is your celebrity crush?
What is your favorite drink?
Where would you go on your dream vacation?
What is your favorite desert?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What do you love most in life?
Choose one word to describe you.
Your blog’s name?
So now that you’re all rearing to know what I look like naked, and by naked I mean naked except wearing a mosaic, here goes nothing.
Apparently Flickr search has little or no relevance to anything you are actually searching for, unless that something is random crap. So here’s what it all means, for those of you who haven’t memorized the tags for every picture on the internet, and therefore clearly know just exactly who I am and what I’m about now.
1) My name: Josh, but that will be Mr. Lounge to you.
2) Favorite food: That would be north Carolina style barbecue, shown here with mac-n-cheese, greens, and fried chicken. Now that’s all good and all, but if you want the real experience, you need the NC style bbq, some mashed or baked potatoes, some fried chicken, hush puppies, slaw, and baked beans. If it’s available it doesn’t hurt to have some potato salad, some macaroni salad, some actual salad, biscuits with jam or jelly and butter, lima beans, and pecan pie for desert, with sweet tea to wash it all down of course.
3) Apparently no one from my high school has ever posted any pictures of it, at all. So maybe I wasn’t the only one who hated that place, but anyway, I did find an Asian man taking a bath, which might have been slightly preferable to what I actually went through while attending high school. (maybe not, the discovery of recreational drugs was pretty fun, and there were some fine/slutty girls prancing around)
4) My favorite color is green which also happens to be the color of old Asian ladies with nose rings, according to the internet and it’s peculiar logic.
5) Ok, I can’t pick one celebrity crush. I have crushed many, many celebrities in my time. Everyone from John Holmes to Brad Pitt. So when I couldn’t pick just one, I thought about what celebrity I would have the most fun with if I were allowed to have an hour or two of guilt free, wildly inappropriate, (and possible criminal against nature and God) sexual intercourse with. There were a couple of close ones, but they lost in the end. For instance it turns out that it doesn’t matter how great your body is, once you’ve done the dirty with Billy Bob Thornton your vagina is an erection killer. So I picked Vida Guerra. She’s not only one of the hottest women ever, and better endowed than the virgin Mary herself, but she’s also not famous enough for me to know who she’s slept with before my fantasy romp.
6) Beer is my favorite drink. This picture had nothing to do with beer, but they did suggest that if you are trying British cuisine and you want to deep fry a guinea pig, that you beer batter it first. And now I want to try it.
7) Ok I cheated on this one. The reason being is that, my dream vacation would be to go to Toronto to see Emerald, my woman. On the very first result page, they actually had a satellite picture of the neighborhood she lives in, or general area I suppose, I’m still a bit shaky on how big their neighborhoods are. But I could so see her house in it. Then it turns out it was a .gif file and not a flippin .jpg file, so long story short, I just jumped on Google earth and without actually showing her exact location, showed a satellite view of the most famous thing near her, the University of Toronto campus, and whatever else is around it. Again, I haven’t been there, so I don’t really know. Also, it might be called something else besides the University of Toronto, but I don’t care to look it up, cause I’m tired, and that sounds right. Anyway, fuck Amsterdam, I want to go to Toronto.
8 ) My favorite dessert is chocolate covered pretzels, hands down. I like cheese cake. I like German chocolate cake. I like baklava, and flan, and Turkish delight. But I’m telling you, sex with Vida Guerra would have to wait till I was done with my damn pretzels. Especially if that chocolate is white, the best of all kinds of chocolate.
9) Well, I wanted to be a graphic designer until this post when I changed my mind to an alien x-ray. Again, Google is in the clear lead here with accurate search results.
10) I love Emerald most in life. This picture was dumb, but not as dumb as the others.
11) One word to describe me would be snarky. Another word would be confused as to why pictures of strippers in demotivational pictures keep coming up when I search for snarky. Apparently a lot of people think demotivational posters are snarky, along with one thirty something woman who labels every single picture of herself as snarky, and what appeared to be a black, tranny, hooker getting drunk on the curb with Jack Daniels. I so would have gone with that picture, but it was in the wrong format again. Gay ass computers.
12) My blogs name. Wow. I didn’t actually read any of the information about this picture, cause it appeared to be by some faggy art douche who thinks everyone cares about his little drawings as much as they care about my awesomely interesting meme post. There was another picture of five little girls dressed alike skipping through a garden, which really delighted some part of me inside that wishes they really were sprinting to hell, but I liked this chicken like dinosaur about to devour it’s helpless prey even more. If only the dino was stalking little girls it would have been perfect.