Real Girls Eat … Their Words

So I recently ran across a story involving Jessica Simpson, the super hot, super dumb sex symbol/musical train wreck. She was photographed wearing a shirt that says “Real girls eat meat”, and of course, the jack offs down at PETA were outraged. (you may have to look for a few minutes, I know I did, but there actually is a slogan on Jessica Simpson’s boobs)

I was immediately distracted by the shirt that anonymous-man-purse-wearing guy is sporting that clearly reads “fuckery” and wondered why this story wasn’t about Pat Roberson freaking out over a trans-sexual flaunting his trans-sexuality. Or perhaps why PETA wasn’t concerned about all the members of DEVO that were slaughtered to make her purse, but then I remembered that this is all about how animals are more important than people and our collective survival, and how offensive it is for Jessica Simpson, the planets leading role model, to slather some morally bankrupt kitty torture slogan all over her delicious boobies.

The following is “Top Five Reasons Only Stupid Girls Brag About Eating Meat”, a blog post taken from the Peta website, and my top five reasons only idiots blog for PETA about Jessica Simpson’s wardrobe choices.

1. Meat increases the risk of breast cancer. A 2007 study of 35,000 women published in the British Journal of Cancer found that women who ate meat were far more likely to develop breast cancer than women who consumed none. Will Jessica’s next t-shirt will say, “Real Girls Smoke 3 Packs a Day”?

How absolutely correct of you, you self righteous cunt. Thank you for informing us all about the obvious correlation between eating meat and losing your tits to cancer. Without trusted members of the medical field to educate the ignorant masses we could have blithely written that off as some sort of cracked up nonsense. Oh wait, say what?!!! You aren’t a doctor? You aren’t even a medical professional of any kind? Holy crap according to your PETA profile, you are trained in advertising and promotions. So tell me exactly, Christine Doré, when did you become an expert on the dangers of cancer? Was it when your career became “focused on e-mail marketing” or was it at some point when you were hanging out with your dogs Howdy and Francis listening to Michael Jackson, the kiddie molester? (I guess it’s ok as long as he didn’t wear a t-shirt promoting some kind of harm to ANIMALS for Christ’s sake)

Let’s review a few other risk factors for breast cancer shall we Christine? Age, previous breast cancer, family history, alcohol use, exposure to outdated medical practices, exercise, body fat, high body weight/height, previous miscarriage or abortion, and hormone levels, especially that of estrogen, caused by an early first menstruation, late menopause, late pregnancy, no pregnancies, birth control pills, and hormone replacement therapy. According to Christine’s logic, anyone participating in an activity with a cancer risk increase has an implied shame of some kind. I guess all you women out there who have gone through puberty or lived past forty five should write sincere apologies to Christine for leading such a shitty example for the non cancer having bitches like her. Not to mention the devils who were born with a history of cancer in their family. In fact, I think we should go ahead and put PETA in charge of a genome cleansing project run by their blog writing marketing staff so that none of the little girls who grow up in the vegan future will have to worry about breast cancer ever again. (they can focus on worrying about growing up to be thumb-in-their-ass idiots who piss off everyone who likes steak)

2. Real girls don’t support animal abuse. Compassion is super sexy, if the huge number of hot celebs ditching meat is any indication. Young women turn vegetarian in droves when they learn that the meat industry cuts the sensitive beaks off newborn chicks and cuts off the tails of baby piglets.

Oh snap, how right she is, all women should be sexy drones just like the vapid, whoreish meat bags that line the glittery gutters of Hollywood. While we’re at it, why would you use Hollywood starlet’s as a lifestyle example for young women in a post bashing one of the biggest Hollywood starlets for being dumb and cruel? You know what’s sexy to men? I’ll give you a clue Christine, it’s not flapping your face hole incessantly about the evils of eating meat, it’s displaying your tits and ass like a five dollar Mexican hooker. Let’s look at some movies guys like for a second. Die Hard, 300, Rambo, the Shawshank Redemption, Saving Private Ryan. I could go on and on, but my point is that they all lack what I’m sure your definition of “compassion” is. In fact the things that guys like make real life slaughter houses look like Beverly Hills day care spas, so shut your bloody trap. (ha ha ha, bloody trap, my double meanings are endless today! Fuck you small woodland creatures!)

3. The meat industry is destroying the Earth. The only thing that’s hot about the meat industry is that it’s toasting the planet. According to the United Nations, raising animals for food causes more greenhouse-gas emissions than all the cars, trucks, SUVs, planes, and ships in the world combined.

News flash bitch, global warming is a total scam. It’s a fucking myth promoted by ass holes just like you with a slightly different agenda. Sea levels rising, melt ice in a glass and see if it overflows. Global temperature linked to so called green house gasses? More like the cycle of the fuckin sun dipshit. Plants on Antarctica, ice age, natural cycles predating mankind, greenhouse gasses FOLLOWING not preceding a global warming? Ringing any bells? I’m not even going to bother linking to the seemingly boundless resources of information about this, because frankly if you haven’t looked up some of the arguments against it by now, you don’t really want to be informed anyway. The only source of hot air I want shut down is the freaks down at PETA.

4. Meat will make you fat. All the saturated fat and cholesterol in chicken wings, pork chops, and steak eventually leads to flabby thighs and love handles. I hope the upcoming “Jessica Simpson’s Intimates” line comes in plus sizes! Going vegetarian is the best way to get slim and stay that way.

Why didn’t you go with the logic from your second point here Ms. Peta? Isn’t being a non fatass fatty the norm for sexy in Hollywood? It seems like this would have been a good time to bring that up. (except that Hollywood skinny is also known as disgusting and skeleton like) But wait, those freakish twigs don’t stay skinny with vegetables do they? No more like fingers, I guess that doesn’t fit into your propaganda does it?

I’m sorry, but this is so clearly bull shit that it’s almost retarded to respond, but since I thrive on quasi-tard material, why the hell not? What causes obesity class? (children in unison) “Eating too much and sitting on your lazy ass writing blogs.” Very good children, and what is the best way to get slim and stay that way? (children in unison) “Eating less and getting off your fat ass to work out!” Very good class, now let’s have some snacks and take nap time.

5. Eating meat steals food from starving kids. Jessica’s trip to help kids in Africa got a lot of media buzz, but by gnawing on meat, she’s essentially stealing food from the mouths of starving children since it takes up to 16 pounds of grain to produce just 1 pound of meat. If more people went vegetarian, we’d free up enough grain to feed every person in the world.

Wow, just wow. You had to play the starving children in Africa card didn’t you? Well guess what? FUCK YOU! I’m not only going to eat my fucking meat because it’s my god damned right to do so, but I’m gonna eat half a pound of it, give the other half to my brothers dogs, and then buy sixteen pounds of grain and flush them down the drain just to piss you off. You pretentious bitch, if you actually gave a starving rats ass about starving kids in Africa, you wouldn’t be dedicating your life to protecting a bunch of fucking animals. Instead you might get off your high horse, pull your head out of your ass, and wrangle up some fucking funds to help take care of real human people instead. But that’s not going to happen, because you feel perfectly justified in your delusional little PETA bubble promoting email chains about ducklings getting their beaks chopped off and piglets getting their tails snipped off that you have completely lost all sight of the reason all that shit happens in the first place. It’s so that fucking sane people who don’t support your shitty organization can feed their families GOOD food that’s fucking HEALTHY and GOD DAMNED DELICIOUS. So frankly Christine, you and the rest of your ass hole buddies can go chew on some bark and fuck off in the forest for all I care. And the kids in Africa can read your blog and feel lucky that without all our grain they can stay beautiful and slender just like the girls in Hollywood. I for one loved Jessica’s shirt and I just so happen to agree with it.

Especially since it was clearly a euphamism for sucking dick.


11 responses to “Real Girls Eat … Their Words

  1. pretentious bitch is right…good rant

  2. I think the best part is that PETA actually thinks girls would make their decisions on life based on what Jessica Simpson says on her boobs….hahaha.

    As for global warming, I’ve read all kind of stuff for why it doesn’t exist, and I have read all kinds of stuff for why it does. Neither side wins without any hole in their argument, but I am one of those people who does believe it exists. I mean yes there are Ice Ages and natural cycles of the earth, but for their to be such a rapid progression in temperature in such a short period of time, tells you that it’s not just Earth rolling over onto its stomach while it sleeps…in my opinion anyway. As for the melting ice in glass thing, I don’t get what you’re saying. Like it’s not about the glass over-flowing, it’s about the level of water in the glass rising as the ice melts. For example, a block of ice in a glass that is 20% melted equals maybe one inch of water. Let the ice melt another 60%, and suddenly you have four inches of water in the glass, and anything that was 3 inches tall is now completely submerged in water….so ice retaining water in a solid state most definitely keeps the sea levels lower…

  3. “Especially since it was clearly a euphemism for sucking dick.”

    I was thinking the exact same thing the whole way though your post. I’m guessing the good folks of PETA aren’t down with that either. 😐

  4. *rolls eyes* fucken everything causes cancer these days. Some things are justified (like smoking or being in the sun) but the rest of it fuck knows…

    I dislike PETA.

    Also the last bit “Especially since it was clearly a euphemism for sucking dick.” is pretty funny as I just read an article about Ashlee simpson (Jessica’s sister) being really good in the sack according to her husband.

  5. Here is a video that talks about animal exploitation if anyone is interested:

  6. Well, you know I don’t always agree with you on a lot of this kind of stuff, but I will say that I love you tons and REAL GIRLS DON’T GET THEIR OPINIONS FROM JESSICA SIMPSON’S TITS.


  7. TBOM: PETA just pisses me off. They suck in every way.

    Romi: I knew the global warming thing would take center stage for some reason. What I’m talking about with the ice is that a huge amount of the ice on earth that would melt, especially around the north pole, is already floating in water. So if it melts, it’s not going to significantly raise the water level, because it’s mass has already displaced an equal amount of water. Take icebergs for instance. Ice is less dense than liquid water, and so you see a small amount of the iceberg floating above the water. But if it melts, it’s already displaced all the space it will take up, essentially leaving the water level the same. And as for Greenland and Antarctica, and all their ice that isn’t floating in water, screw it. We lose Florida and most of the Caribbean, oh well. (maybe New York City and LA if we’re lucky) But all of a sudden since earth is so warm, Canada has mild winters and Siberia is prime real estate and farmland. People can live comfortably at the south pole. I’m obviously not a scientist, but to me it just seems like a dumb irrational fear to pump so much attention and effort into. We could be working on world hunger or curing cancer or something, or genetically engineering vaginas that never get loose from too much use or childbirth. But instead this PETA idiot is bitching about Jessica’s shirt because it makes cows fart too much.

    Pedro Parkour: Hahahahahahahaha. They aren’t “down” with that. Oh god, I’m so childish sometimes.

    Queenie: I would not have guessed that Ashley is good in the sack. In fact I almost guarantee she is NOT good in the sack. She probably lip synchs her orgasms, then ho-down dances out of bed to jeers and mockery. Plus, as a man, if my woman sucked in bed, and someone who was going to print my words in a magazine asked me how I thought she was, I would lie my ass off and say she was amazing, because otherwise I wouldn’t even get the lame tang I used to get from her.

    Trisha Truly: Here’s a post I did on my old blog with the same title. Guess what it’s about. It is important to note that at that time I had not met Emerald yet, and I would soon learn that vegetarians are not always stupid chits, and are often very attractive, and some of them are even cool enough to put up with.

    Emerald. I love you even though you are culinarily impaired. And Jessica Simpson’s tits may not be the place to find your world view, but they still rock my face. (or at least, I can dream that one day they will)

  8. Merry Christmas, Josh! 😀

  9. Ashley: I missed your comment earlier, cause it hadn’t been approved yet. I’ve seen that video before, and thought it was a good one. Real edge of your seat excitement. But I liked this one better.

    Pedro: Feliz navidad to you too essay.

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