You know those rare moments in life where you find something on the internet that’s truly amazing. Something other people NEED to know about. Like when you realize all the old Mario games are available for free, or the first time you see 2 girls 1 cup? Well I recently ran across one of those rare gems on Robert Popper’s blog, which is brim full of hysterically bizarre clips from around the globe.
It’s a robot gore movie titled Robogeisha. I’m not really sure how to describe it honestly. The basic premise is that there are a bunch of android geisha ninjas that run around killing people in bizarre only-the-Japanese-would-ever-think-of-this scenarios. I’ve probably seen this trailer fifteen times now. I keep going back and finding new weird shit. Here’s a very short list of the weird things I remember:
-a ninja girl covered in dildos popping out of another girl
-acidic breast milk
-death by shrimp
-a circular saw (not a chainsaw) popping out of someones mouth
-butt swords and armpit swords
Of course the geniuses behind a masterpiece like this would be at fault to limit the public to just one work of art. Enter Machine girl, the story of a one armed girl who cut a LOT of arms off. Some of the other trailers were weirder than this one, but this one at least kind of made sense. And who doesn’t love an amputee with a chainsaw and a gatling gun that strap on their nub?
And last but not least comes the classic love story Tokyo Gore Police. That is, if you love watching cops who look like Darth Vader getting chopped to pieces by genetically engineered mutants. Mutants such as a naked chick with a crocodile head for legs, a guy who walks like a spider cause he has swords for appendages, a man with machine guns for eyes, and a dude with a giant gatling gun arm that shoots fists. And frankly, who doesn’t love that.
I WILL be watching these movies at some time in the future. For every pedophiliac anime the Japanese produce, they make five awesome gore movies to redeem their culture. If only Chuck Norris would get in on this bizarre violence trend, Hollywood could go ahead and throw in the towel, because nobody would ever watch anything else again.