The Build Up


As many of you are aware, I am in along distance relationship. And not one of those sweet movie-type long distance relationships where the people fall in love and then some conveniently timed obstacle comes between them, and they overcome it because they love each other, and life is magical pixie dust, and everyone has at least two happy endings for twenty bucks. No this is the real life kind where two people who might or might not be compatible start dating, but they live an ass long ways away from each other.

Now I am no stranger to neurosis, but this sort of relationship is new to me and is introducing new fun sorts of mental fuck ups into my life. For instance, I am going to see her tomorrow, and the only thing I can think is that the second I see her she’s gonna discretely let me know she no longer wants anything to do with me because she found some migrant worker named Julio who is much better in bed, and has already charmed her whole fucking family. This possibility scares me despite the complete lunacy of it. Am I weird?

For real though, I really am going to have to meet a lot of her ex boyfriends, all in one night, while I also meet her family, and I have jello shots shoved down my throat, and I have a drinking problem. Not to mention her step dad is a total alchy, and he loves me, and he’s promised to get me hammered whenever I visit him. So I have to be cool with a bunch of guys who stuck their wangs where I love to stick mine, but beat me to it, and meet her entire judgmental family, who already doesn’t like me, especially the mom, and at the same time, show her a good time as an alcoholic, without getting smashed, but still partying enough to be fun for her, yet not making an ass of myself. It scares me.

Also, this is a very small coastal town, where everyone knows everyone, and it’s been that way since way long ago, before I ever met anyone in her family. So she wants to introduce me to all her friends, who have heard a lot about me, and know probably every awkward intimate moment we’ve had. And who know her family well. And who know her entire dating history. And who love her deeply. And I have to come put on a show for them to prove I am a cool enough guy to date their life long friend. I do pretty well under pressure, but this shit is gonna be rough.

I honestly think I will do a great job of befriending all her friends and coworkers. But her family is disconcerting, since they have previous experience with me at the wedding. (blog post to come soon) And on top of that, I stopped wanking off on Wednesday, and I don’t see her till Friday afternoon/night. I did this so I could be extra ready for the fun, but now I’m just not liking life at all. Two days is a long time to go without rubbing one out! But now I’m too close to launch time to renig on my decision. It’s all or nothing, and I have to be all on this trip!

So I’m left with this taste in my mouth like I really like this woman. I do honestly. But I have to jump through hoops all weekend long, just to get a few minutes with her. Is it worth it? Yes, it is! I may not get to scrog her unconscious, but we’ll sneak in enough fun for two weeks despite whatever happens whilst I’m there. And yet, despite my motorized gift, despite my very real and severe attraction to her, despite my ability to win over families, despite my skill at winning over frineds, I still think she may just get a bit tired of me this weekend. And if I ever say (you know what, ILY) she will ditch me faster than a highway worker with a drainage problem. That’s how it’s always been, and when I’m wicked honest with myself, I am scared that she will just up and reject me for no reason and with no warning. Just like all my women do. You ladies turn against a guy like me very quickly, and very violently. And that’s the last I ever see of you. One moment all is well, the next, I am hated and alone. That sucks.

And I fear it in every relationship, at every moment, in every place.

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7 responses to “The Build Up

  1. Why the heck are her ex-boyfriends invited? Great that you’re meeting her, but her ex-boyfriends. Avoid them at all costs.

  2. firstly i have to say “awwwwwwwwwww” ok its out of my system!!

    now one thing thats fully confusing me is you made a comment on err..fuck it if you said it i can too.. you mentioned you stoped wanking on wednesday? so you could you know be all good 4 when you see her… well i always thought it was sposed to better the other way round??? an ex told me that its better if you keep goin infact if you could get another one out say 2-4 hours b4 seeing her that way you last longer and thus spend more time pleasing her without things ending too quckly? just a thought…

    i doubt she would want to end it. if she did wudnt she do it over the fone? rather than make you travel all that way. ..

    you also sed ” I really am going to have to meet a lot of her ex boyfriends, all in one night, while I also meet her family”…. i have like a million things i could say this however all i am going to say is… cool lol…

    Just be who you are and dont try to be someone your not. your woman is old enough to make her own decisions and its not her family your sleeping with or dating its her and her opinon is what counts so just be yourself and if they dont like it then tell them to suck your balls.

    Why do us ladies turn against a guy like you?? hmm…

    so.. again.. just be yourself.. and if she does change her mind or whatever well then.. shes a dork. and not good enough 4 you and you will find someone that wont ditch you.

    have a good weekend and a happy thanksgiving.. 🙂

  3. Wendy Skeleton: She’s taking me out to party with her friends, and it’s a small town. You know how small towns are, you end up dating everybody, but you are still friends with them after the breakup, because there aren’t enough people around to find new friends. I’ve already met some of the guys she’s dated, and they were alright, but some of them are dicks, and I’m probably going to be tempted to kick some ass. But don’t worry, I won’t.

    The Queen: I know it works the opposite for most guys, but I’m a long laster. A very long laster. Sometimes too long. I am abstaining from self gratification so I will have my sex drive kicked into fifth gear by the time I get to see her. I have never had a problem, um, going the distance. I just want to make sure I’m chemically ready to go the distance many, many times. After a day or two of abstinence, it all backs up in my system and I turn into a rabbit basically. More like the energizer bunny.

    And I know all these insecurities are retarded and illogical. Usually I’m a very confident and secure guy. But every now and again I end up thinking about something for too long and making myself crazy over it. This morning, after a good night’s sleep, I’m feeling good about it all. And I really do perform well under pressure. When I’m in the spotlight, I forget all my problems and a lot of my strengths shine through. So I’m sure it will all go well once I’m there, I was just having some pre-show jitters.

  4. This is why I don’t date. Or if I do date, I make sure their family is dead. Or that they are a musician and therefore hate their family. And all the exes have restraining orders against them.

    Um, best of luck though.

  5. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. interesting lol
    you have energiser bunnies too!!!!

    well im glad you feel better today have a good time and we now require details… not toooooooo much..but a good dose would e excellent.

  6. Man, that Julio is a jerk…First he came over here illegally and took a job that noone wanted and now he’s impressing your woman’s family!…I say you kick his ass!

  7. I hate when I’m not allowed to wank off for two whole days…it’s like being in a torture chamber…

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