2008: Peace Out Past, Hello … Present

It’s the end of 2008, a year full of tons and tons of me being awesome despite life being the complete opposite of me. I’m getting ready to boot this last year out the door and shack up with it’s younger and more mysterious, and less worn out sister, 2009. I’m thinking good things are coming, or possibly just more bull shit, who the hell knows. I should probably ask a psychic or a magic 8 ball or something, but honestly I don’t really care that much. Could this be the year I kill a bear with a knife? Maybe, but only one thing is for sure, it’s time to summarize an entire years experiences with a meme questionnaire from Sundry the Magnificent. (I don’t know if that’s her official title, but it should be, because it fits her in my opinion, which is the only opinion that matters here on Sprinting To Hell)

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Tons, mostly boring crap to be honest, but a few notable exceptions. I started my relationship with Em, which is by far the longest and most stable and happy relationship evah, for me anyway. I spent more time in court than any other year of my life. I have now kept my current job longer than any job I’ve ever had. I think I saw two girls one cup this year, which is always an interesting first time experience, although not nearly as horrifying as one guy one cup was. (seriously, don’t watch it, ever, I won’t even link to it. The horrors will haunt your dreams for the rest of your life) I got a tick on my balls for the first, and hopefully last time. and I met myself from the future, and crippled-future-me warned me not to try to kill a bear with a knife. But honestly, who takes life advise from cripples anyway, he seemed like a friggin pussy to me.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No, there was none, and no. New Years resolutions are for jack asses who can’t decide to do something and actually do it. If I want something in my life changed I will just change it, and if not, I will sit on my happy complacent ass and never worry about BS resolutions.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My great granddad, Nathan Brinson died, but we were not especially close because we lived so far apart. Plus he was super old, and had wicked Alzheimer’s so it was time for him to go. I think my Great Grandma died too, but they were both on and off hospice so often that I kind of lost track. I know that sounds bad, and uh, well nothing I just know that sounds bad. Deal with it. Next question.

5. What countries did you visit? I visited the United States. For the entire year. Also I live here anyway. So nowhere.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Super powers. The ability to change shape would be cool, or power over gravity. Manipulation of the time space continuum would rock too, like Hiro Nakamura from Heroes, but I’d rather be able to change shape. Money would be cool too, and for old what’s her face to live with me. (kidding, I love you puddin)

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 3-11 is our anniversary, and also one of my favorite bands, which is very convenient, cause I really suck at remembering dates.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting my drinking under control. That was some rough shit, and I’ve had to make some drastic changes in my life. I still drink sometimes, but now it’s not whilst driving too fast from one party to another.

9. What was your biggest failure? Getting locked up kind of sucks. I have to serve weekends until April, and I’m not feeling especially thrilled about it, but all in all it’s not the end of the world. Jail isn’t as bad as some people make it out to be. There are only fights sometimes, and if you mind your own business, almost never. I’m going to be happy when it’s all over with though.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I laid my scooter down during a turn I took too quick and shaved off some of my arm skin/meat, but nothing too bad.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Me and another guy got a PS2 for our break room at work, and let me tell you, that was the best investment ever. EVER.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine. I would like to point out that I whole heatedly refrained from stabbing the faces of the people around me during that spectacle of misinformation and propaganda they called the election. I haven’t punched a single Hardee’s employee even though they came out with the self contradictory little thickburger which I refuse to eat based on moral principal. And I haven’t roshambo’d the Christian geek fucker at work despite his dire attempts to drive me absolutely fucking insane with his repeated and unabashed idiocy. (case in point: yesterday he called the secretary in the office stating the he was almost out of gas but there weren’t any stations around that match our company gas discount deal, and even though his card works at all gas stations, what should he do? Answer: stop and get gas somewhere else, seriously, and then never, ever reproduce again asshole)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The government. I really really hate our government, and I don’t have time to get into all that crap, that’s for a later post I’m working on. But really, if you aren’t pissed as hell at BOTH parties and pretty much every single scumbag in Washington, then you are either morally bankrupt or you haven’t been paying any attention to anything ever that’s ever happened ever. I am pissed as hell and I feel cheated and used and lied to and robbed of my rights.

14. Where did most of your money go? To the North Carolina “justice” system, fucking highway-robber ass-hat’s.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had a solid week of frequent, vigorous, and amazing sex in June that was a long time coming, no ejaculation pun intended. (not really, of course I wouldn’t miss the chance to work jism into a post)

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Uh … none probably. Maybe some. I have a really bad sense of when things happen in my head, so I tend to remember general eras of my life, but usually never what year things happened in. I got into country music a lot this year, so if anything, that would be the general musical feel of 2008.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? The same I think.
c) richer or poorer? About the same, aka, peasant poor.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Fighting. I went the whole year without a single good old fashioned rough and tumble face thumping. Not a single outlet for violence the whole year. I’m thinking about buying a punching bag though, so I can go kick the shit out of something without bleeding from my face or going to jail, again.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Sleeping I guess, I need more time in the day, that’s for sure. Everything else was pretty cool. Except jail maybe. It makes good stories though.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Drinking with my brothers and sister and law while playing Gears of War, possibly the coolest game ever. Seriously, it kicked my ass with awesomeness, and I’m pretty much made of kick-ass-ocity, so that was an incredible feat.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Kind of, mostly, it started in ’07, but mostly came to fruition is ’08.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Everyone’s favorite program, Heroes. It changes lives for the better. Save the cheerleader man, save the friggin world.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I’m going to go ahead and say McCain and Obama made my shit list, and I didn’t know crap about them before. Also noteworthy, Obama’s bitch ass wife. I can’t stand her face. It’s like if Condoleza Rice had a baby with Alien, and raised it in bitchville with a solid diet of grilled snobbery in twit sauce.

24. What was the best book you read? I don’t think I read any good books. I did however find Dr. McNinja, a web comic so cool you may want to felate your computer screen. In fact, I randomly found a picture from Dr. McNinja that I liked so much I’m planning on making it my next tattoo, and only recently realized it was from there. Very cool, go forth and be amazed.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Hank Williams Jr. may be the best thing to happen to my musical taste since Lynyrd Skynyrd. Also, the Zac brown band is really really good.

26. What did you want and get? Tattoos, two green stars on my chest that represent Emerald. I got some nice work boots from WalMart, like twenty bucks man, and comfy as hell. They lasted me all year. Uh … nothing else that I can think of.

27. What did you want and not get? A new camcorder, which I plan on getting, a deep fryer which I got but was broken and lame as hell, and an Xbox 360, which I have neither the money or time for.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Batman: The Dark Knight, hands down.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Honestly I can’t remember. I think I went to the bar with my friends maybe. I don’t make a big thing over birthdays.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having Em here with me. But just cause I like the sexuals, not cause I’m a total romantic puss-bag over her.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? I found that buying a whole lot of the same thing makes dressing easier. I found some really comfy shorts at Target, so I bought about six pairs, mostly in camo, and now I have plenty of cool looking shorts that fit well and I didn’t have to go shopping but one time. (I hate shopping because I’m not gay)

32. What kept you sane? The internet, without the endless surfing I would go absolutely nuts. I can’t imagine what I would do without the endless information and rescources, or the instant gratification, or the global interaction. Or my latest addiction, Combat Arms. My brother Nate showed me this game recently, and I can not stop playing it. It’s free too man, so if you happen to like gaming at all, or blowing the shit out of people, go download it and get into that shit right now. Seriously, stop reading this frivolous swill and get your ass in gear.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? If by fancy you mean want to “have freaky Alaskan sex with”, then my answer would be Sarah Palin. She was pretty much the one and only redeeming factor in the whole election process. Also, Tina Fey, because I’ve always had a thing for her, and she played Palin in a ton of the SNL skits. In fantasy land, I date both of them at the same time, and they have hilarious, late night, live loving sessions with me dressed up like fancy business women. (plus I dig chicks with glasses, always have)

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The government of our country decidedly slipping from the republic it was meant to be, into the oligarchy it now is, that routinely rapes the ideals of freedom and liberty that our country was founded on, and robs us of our constitutional rights on a daily basis.

35. Who did you miss? Magnum P.I. That show used to be on every day, and now I can’t get it any more, cause I don’t have cable. Why did you leave me Thomas Magnum? You took your rediculous high short shorts and your overly sexual name and left nothing but a gaping hole in my soul. Please come back.

36. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t think I have met anyone in the last year that I especially like. Sorry everyone I met this year, but you don’t stick out in my mind enough to mention. Your new years resolution should be to be less boring.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. I tried my best not to learn anything this year. Lesson wise at least, I did pack in a ton of random information from hither and thither across the world wide information tubes, but not really any life lessons per se. The best thing I can think of would be, don’t get too drunk in a bar where you don’t know anyone, and especially if that bar is a honkytonk.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Welcome to the jungle it gets worse here everyday. You learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play. If you got a hunger for what you see, you’ll take it eventually. You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me. In the jungle, welcome to the jungle, watch it bring you to your knees.” On second thought this doesn’t really have that much application to real life without being totally pretentious, but it does rock hard enough to melt faces, so shut your face. Or feel my serpentine rather, bitches.